


YouTube University: Fall Semester

by septiceyesweetheart



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Other, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11247915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/septiceyesweetheart/pseuds/septiceyesweetheart
Summary: Aria Mercer is an up and coming vlogger and retired dancer, about to attend the next big project: YouTube University. Being thrust from her isolated town of Palm Springs and into the fast and crowded City of Angels is a bit overwhelming, to say the least. She doesn’t know what to expect or who she’s going to run into on this massive campus. From her roommate, to her first actual relationship, Aria is surprised by all that happens in this world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things to keep in mind while reading this:
> 
> 1\. it's 2014  
> 2\. this is the same universe as Story of Another of Us, Stone Cold, and You Look Happier  
> 3\. it wrote this almost 3 years ago, so some things might seem outdated  
> 4\. chapter updates will be fairly quick because i have over 40 chapters completed and ready to go

I’ve only been involved in this since I was sixteen. I thought I’d only have a good hundred or so around me, but once I really put myself out there, talked about popular things whilst trying to stay true to myself, the number rose dramatically. Google announced this next big project and people started buzzing. I took the assessment and eventually, got a letter in the mail. The inevitable, yet bizarre letter with the red play sticker sealing it.

I mean, I was now eighteen with minor college experience. Not even actual university experience, just a plain old community college that I would commute to every now and again. It's not that I didn’t want to transfer either, it's not that I enjoyed community college and it's ability to give me a pointless degree in psychology, it’s just that I was barely accustomed to making videos with my parents listening through the wall. Now I’m going to have to make videos in the presence of people who are a hell of a lot better at doing it. I was intimidated, to say the least. So intimidated that I half convinced myself to dump the letter as soon as I got it. But my parents and my two best friends talked me into going. It would be a good experience and it would be good for me to be around other people. It would be good to be around people who were chasing after the same dreams.

After some research, also known as “checking my Twitter feed,” I discovered some other people that would be attending. Those two good friends of mine would be going, so thankfully I wasn't diving in by myself. Then, there were also a shit ton of people I aspired to be like, such as Tyler Oakley, Zoella, AmazingPhil, that would also be attending… like, they’re legends! They were already successful! These were people I would be sharing a classroom and possibly a dormitory with! I was already rethinking burning my acceptance letter.

Anyway, my two good friends. Well, there’s my best friend, Sophie Jensen. We’ve been attached at the hip since elementary school. Been through everything together. We got into the same career field, and now we’re both attending the same university. She's the one who inspired me to start this career. She's also the person who appears in my videos the most, and so came the ship, “Saria.” Then there’s Troye Sivan. He saw one of my rare song covers and messaged me a million years ago. We've been talking ever since, and I consider him my online best friend. This kid has got more than two million subscribers behind him. I’m practically nothing compared to the rest of the freaking student body! I can’t even compare to the names about to attend this school!

But, as I have been reminded several times by the lovely Troye, even if none of us know each other, despite the number of subscribers, we’re all a community. We’re all doing the same thing, and we’re all still learning, and we’re all equals.

~~~~~~~

At least it was two hours from where I lived. At least my parents didn’t have to drive me there. I don’t even own a car, so Sophie let me hitch a ride with her. Luckily, her car was big enough to hold all our belongings. Although, Sophie's luggage outweighed mine by a landslide and I think that's what was making the poor white car struggle to get us to the damn place.

"No, no, come on Spaghetti!" Sophie soothed to her rundown, nineteen-ninety-whatever Mercedes as it struggled to drive up a hill. "We’re almost there, babe! Don’t give up now!"

"I still can’t believe you named your car Spaghetti," I commented, having been bored of the vehicle’s many flaws after being here so long. I mean, it was funny at first, but now I was worried that we would have to push the damn thing all the way to campus.

"When you get your first car, you’ll be naming it something ridiculous too!" Sophie said in defense, patting the dash as if it were going to make us move faster.

"Let’s just hope Spaghetti doesn’t make us late for our first day of university," I sighed, folding my arms across my stomach. "Seriously! I want to see my schedule and my dorm and the campus before nightfall! And I don't want to make a bad impression on my roommate either!”

"It’s only two o’clock, and we’re twenty minutes away, don’t worry," Sophie reassured as her so-called trusted vehicle made a worrisome noise.

By this point, it was far too late to actually do anything, so I could only wait for our impending doom. I noticed Sophie shift uncomfortably as her car made more terrible noises. I gotta say, it was lucky that we were on the street the campus was located on when Spaghetti finally resigned.

The car sputtered and began to slow down. I darted my eyes towards Sophie, who had pushed her tongue into her cheek in frustration. Wordlessly, she steered the car into the curb, letting it die out. When it finally stopped, she silently put it in park, even though there was no real need.

"So," I spoke after a while, "looks like we do have to get out and push."

"One of us had to steer," Sophie pointed out without missing a beat, meeting my eyes.

An hour later, we were both covered in soot, but we were also nearly reaching the campus. The main building looked like royalty, with the circular pillars and a castle-like structure. It was like the barrier that kept everyone in or out. At the very top of the building was the flag of the red play button. The whole building was surrounded by trees, so as to help conceal the place from stalkers and whatnot. This is where I was going to be for the next couple years…

…And I started it off by pushing a white, rundown Mercedes on the curb right in front of the vast location. I was pushing against the back bumper while Sophie was at the driver's seat, pushing against the steering wheel. We both looked like we had gone chimney sweeping. 

"Hey!" someone called from the main building.  "Do you girls need some help?"

"Call a mechanic!" Sophie yelled back as she stood upright from the front seat. "And a tow truck!"

I couldn’t even breathe. My head was resting on the trunk, my legs were shaking, and my arms were fatigued from so much flexing. While I was in decent shape from dancing for a majority of my life, I could have been better. Maybe if I hadn’t quit earlier in the summer, I wouldn’t have been on the verge of fainting now.

I heard footsteps approaching, but I was too exhausted to pick my head up. Then there were several male voices and a hand on my back.

"Are you okay, babe?" asked a deep, British voice.

Immediately, I picked my head up, looking straight into the eyes of Marcus Butler. Jesus Christ. However, my tired state made me utterly cranky.

"I just pushed a car for one mile, what does that tell you?" I snapped, making him take a step back. Then, I sighed, feeling guilty. "Sorry. I’m just really tired."

"Aria?" called another male voice from a distance.

That made me perk up, because there’s only one other person on this entire campus who definitely knows my name. I tried to look past the tall guys around me to find the owner of that voice.

"Aria!" he called again, but there were several people around the front of the building and I couldn’t spot him.

Finally, he squeezed between Marcus and his very tall, quiffed friend, and my shitty mood went away. “Troye!”

"Aria!" he smiled, though it was obvious he was shocked by my appearance.

"I’d hug you, but I’m covered in Spaghetti puke!" I said, too excited to realize exactly what I was saying.

"Spaghetti?" asked the shorter guy in a muscle shirt. He, like his other two friends, was British, but his hair was flat, and it was slightly endearing.  But I had other things to worry about at the moment.

To answer his remark, I patted the trunk of the deceased car. “Spaghetti.”

"Who names a car Spaghetti?"

"I do!" Sophie called back in defense. "Don’t be hating on my baby!"

"Your baby gave up on us," I mumbled quietly.

"Are you two okay?" asked the  _ really _ tall British guy. “How far were you when your car broke down?”

"About a mile back," Sophie replied, trying to brush the black off her Peter Pan t-shirt. "But we’re okay now. Thank you for checking on us."

The three guys then introduced themselves as Marcus, Joe (the shorter one) and Jim (super tall one.)

“Let us know if you need anything else, alright?” Joe said, smiling at both of us, but mainly lingering towards me before he followed his friends inside the campus.

And that's when Troye properly spoke up.

"Why didn’t you nuggets call me? I would have sent help!" he told us.

"I would have, but Sophie doesn’t want to accept that her car is dead," I said sarcastically.

"She’s not dead!" my blonde friend said in defense, hugging the trunk. "She’s just a little ill. She’ll be fine in no time."

~~~~~~~

I can’t even begin to explain how awkward it was to walk around in public covered in soot and other car… liquids. I didn’t know my dorm room yet, and I didn’t have a map of the freaking place to find the showers to rinse off. To worsen things, several people there were vlogging. What a freaking surprise.  Who knows how many vlogs I’ll be in the background of as that one girl covered in dirt. 

Anyway, when I wasn’t worrying about people seeing my current state of dress, I was admiring how big and beautiful the campus was. The courtyard by itself was apparently the size of two football stadiums. There was a little amphitheatre behind the fountain, made for performances and other small events happening later in the semester. Most of the student body was currently there, as schedules and dorm assignments were being given out at four different tables set up in front of the fountain, each representing a house.

The four houses were Freshman, Sophomores, Juniors, and Seniors, but not for the reasons you’d think. This university is new, so it’s everybody’s first year. The way housing is determined is partly by age, partly by subscriber count, partly by upload consistency. But mostly age. So, for example, Troye. He’s got two-point-something- _ million  _ subscribers but he’s also nineteen years old. Therefore, he’s a Freshman. But if you’re twenty with 200K and you upload a video every week down to the second, you’re a Sophomore. AKA, Sophie. Get it? ‘Cause I have a very loose grasp on it. But I can understand why I’m a Freshman; I was eighteen-almost-nineteen, I had less than 100K, and my upload schedule has been somewhat all over the place.

It was bizarre to see a bunch of YouTubers I looked up to attend a university. A lot of them were doing what they would normally do in any exciting situation: vlogging. Others were talking amongst each other while waiting in line.

And then there was me, Sophie and Troye. We were kind of off to the side, equally intimidated by the big names, until Troye spoke up.

"Guys. They’re just people," he said.

"And four of those ‘just people’ are giving out our schedules," Sophie pointed out, looking straight at the crowded tables.

She wasn’t joking. Apparently, the ASB/Welcoming Committee/class representatives were Tyler Oakley, Jenna Marbles, Louise Pentland, and Shane Dawson. Wow. Wowowow. Each of them were assigned to a specific house, too. Tyler with the Freshman; Louise with the the Sophomores; Shane with the Juniors; Jenna with the seniors. I was pretty sure those four were all Seniors as well, because why the hell wouldn’t they be? There wasn’t a person who didn’t recognize them on this campus. Jenna’s face was even on one of the promotional banners posted online and around the campus.

"So this is where we part," I told Sophie.

"Yup," she agreed, sounding nervous. "Text me when you get your dorm. Unless we end up roommates, then we'll know.” Roommate assignment was also random, and that didn't help my nerves at all.

"Hopefully we do." We definitely weren't.

With that, we went our separate ways. Troye stuck with me, though, since we were both Freshman. We got to the end of the line, which was also the longest of the four houses. There were a lot of rising/aspiring YouTubers I hadn’t heard of attending as well. It was a little confusing. You would think that that's what this place is for:  _ aspiring _ YouTubers, not  _ already successful _ YouTubers.

"You talk to him first," Troye said, somewhat nervous as he pushed me in front of him.

"What happened to ‘they’re just people?’" I teased, although I was kind of nervous as well. “Besides, aren't you friends with him?”

"Yeah, but I've told him about you," Troye said, his hands on my shoulders, the line moving forward. "He said he wants to meet you.”

“Why, though?” I asked, surprised. “No, no, you go first. You’re not the one covered in car puke.”

“Aria, no! You can do this!”

It only took a few minutes for us to get to the very front, with Troye still giving me a pep talk. Then I was greeted by a minty haired, spectacled, wide smiling man in a polka dotted button up.

"Hi!" he cheerily greeted. "Welcome to YouTube University!"

"Hello," I greeted, trying not to make it obvious that I was overwhelmed by his confidence.

"Last name?" he asked, digging through the file box sitting in front of him.

"Mercer," I managed to say clearly.

"Oh, Ariana!” Tyler exclaimed in recognition when he pulled out my schedule. "Or, Aria, sorry. I've heard a lot about you! Your videos are amazing! Teach me to dance!”

I knew he was probably joking, but I really hated when people would tell me things like that. And if he really watched any of my videos, he would know I was on a hiatus from that particular sport and I didn't like talking about it.

"Thanks! Yours are great too!" I laughed nervously, taking my schedule instead of vilifying him for saying such a thing.

Tyler smiled. “Oh, thank you! Your dorm number is on your schedule, and your roommate has both keys. Have a good day!”

I walked off to the side feeling very warm but also shaky after that. It was mixed.

I waited for Troye on the sidelines while I tried to find Sophie in the crowd of vloggers. I found her striking up a conversation with Catrific and Joey Graceffa. Between the two of us, she was the extrovert. She could walk up to a stranger, strike up a conversation, and be their best friend after one sitting. I'm surprised I haven't been replaced yet.

Finally, Troye approached me again, his face completely lit up. I knew he liked Tyler a little more than as a friend, so I could imagine how he must be feeling.

"He said we should all collab one day," Troye told me, the smile growing on his face.

"That’s great!" I smiled, although I was already dreading it. "We should do it!"

"Oh for sure! Turns out, our dorms are right next to each other! So just expect a text from me at one point.”

"Wait.” I decided to change the subject; Just the thought of having to collab with a much more popular vlogger was making my head spin. “Do you have your own dorm?"

"Yeah! And you?"

"I have a roommate. Can’t afford my own place. She has my key to the place, so I have to go meet her. Hopefully she's at the dorm already.” Apparently if you make a decent living off YouTube then you qualify for a single dorm. If you're like me and are scraping up whatever savings you have to pay off tuition, then you get a roommate to burden your poverty stricken ass.

"Oh, okay. Well, let’s compare schedules," Troye said, holding out his list of classes.

We held ours next to one another, only to be disappointed. We had pretty much the exact same classes, just on different days and different times.

"We’ll meet up," I said in conclusion.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I gotta go get my stuff from the bus, so I’ll see you later."

"Yeah, okay." I nodded. "I need to find Sophie and get my stuff from the car."

And once again, we went our separate ways.


	2. Chapter 2

As it turns out, Sophie and I lived one floor apart from each other. Her room was literally directly below mine.She was rooming with Carrie Hope Fletcher, who I had the pleasure of meeting. She was very easy to talk to. Aside from that, Soph and I only had one class together: Spanish I on Monday mornings. It’s better than nothing, I suppose.

The dormitories were two of the largest building on the entire campus, just surrounding the courtyard, acting as the outer walls of the vicinity. Girls were on one side, and boys on the other, maintaining a good equilateral distance from each other. The “back wall” of the premises was the library/bookstore/cafeteria complex. However, it was much smaller than the dorms and the main office, so on either side were even smaller complexes, which were all classrooms. The courtyard was in the middle of all of this, the fountain and amphitheatre acting as “the Heart of YTU.”

It was lucky that Spaghetti broke down on the side closer to the girls’ dorms, so Sophie and I didn’t have to travel that far for our stuff. A tow truck also came for the car, so we had to empty it out as quickly as we could. And after pushing the thing up the road, this shit was a lot to carry.

My dorm was on the fourth floor, and there was an actual line for the only elevator, seeing as it could only carry so much weight. I really didn’t want to exert any more energy after pushing a 2-ton Mercedes, but… ugh, what choice did I have?

The stairs were less crowded, but there were still quite a few people. I may or may not have almost knocked Bethany Mota over with my inconveniently long duffle bag, but no one saw, so there’s no proof. Also, I was still covered in car junk, so I got some strange looks going up the stairs.

Finally, I made it Room 437. That was my place. Well, not just my place, but I was going to sleep there, and - depending on if I make any new friends or not - I’ll probably spend all my time there. I lugged two of my suitcases, my backpack, and a shoulder bag down the narrow hallway, trying not to run into other suitemates. Then, my legs decided it was time to give out. I panted out, struggling to keep walking and then I noticed the door to room 437 was wide open. I tried to speed my pace slightly, but that ended in me nearly tripping, which resulted in my hitting my side in the doorway.

I swore in frustration before looking up, finding two people already in the room. They both looked up at the noise and my heart nearly fell out of my butt. I recognized them as Zoe Sugg and Alfie Deyes. Oh god I’m rooming with Zoella.  _ Oh god. _

"Are you alright?" she asked, startled by my sudden entrance.

"Yeah," I sighed, stepping into the room. I set my things down on the floor against the wall and brushed myself off, as if that would better my already shitty appearance. "Hi, I’m Ariana, Aria for short. I guess I’m your roommate."

"I’m Zoe," she replied, clearly still a little startled. "This is my boyfriend, Alfie, he’s just helping me get my things in."

_ I already know who you are… _

“And I'm Monica!” spoke a voice from behind me making me jump.

An older woman with bright red hair stood at the door. She was holding a clipboard. “I'm the room advisor for this floor.”

I smiled. “Hi... sorry about, um, my appearance. Had an accident... with a car.”

"Were you one of the girls pushing the car up the road?" Alfie asked.

That spread around fast.

"Yeah," I replied sheepishly. "That was… um, yeah."

It was really obvious he wanted to laugh. I didn’t blame him, I just didn’t know what to say. Especially now, since I pretty much ruined my first impression just by my appearance. I really hoped this wouldn’t end up on the Internet. Unless I was the one telling the story.

“Well, if you haven't seen already,” Monica spoke up, “the bathroom is right there and you're sharing it with the people next door. So you technically have three roommates but you live with one other person.”

That's her subtle way of telling me I need to stop looking like such a mess. I could already tell.

“Also,” she continued turning to Zoe and Alfie, “I notice you two are together. Just letting you know that men need to be out of the girls’ dorms by ten o’clock during the week and midnight on weekends. If I catch you here when you're not supposed to be, there will be consequences.”

“Understood,” Alfie replied.

“Good.” Monica smiled. “I look forward to getting to know you two -” she gesture to Zoe and me “- this semester.” With that, she was onto the next room.

"She seems nice," Zoe spoke up. "So, which bed do you want, Aria? I didn’t want to claim a side until you showed up."

I looked around the room. It was reasonably large, enough space for the giant lights Zoe seemed to have brought over, along with her other filming equipment.  Next to that corner was the entrance to the bathroom. The dorm was furnished, with a work desk, a closet and two nightstands. The things taking up the most space were the two beds, one horizontally set in front of the window, and the other horizontally placed on the adjacent wall.

"I’ll take this one," I said, pointing to the one against the wall. "Windows and heights don’t sit well with me."

"Perfect. I like the view, anyway." Zoe smiled warmly.

“I have to get going,” Alfie said. “I need to get all my things sorted before Joe wraps it all in seran wrap or something. It was lovely to meet you Aria.”

“You too,” I replied.

“Alright, let me know how you settle in,” Zoe told him. “And we'll meet for dinner later?”

“Always,” Alfie said before kissing her goodbye.

~~~~~~~

Once I got all my boxes and things in, I jumped into the shower. But beforehand I did meet the neighbors, Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart. It was brief, though, because I didn't want any more people seeing me covered in car junk.

That was also when I found out, that they and Zoe were the only “big” YouTubers on our floor. The rest were “underground,” which I suppose I’m apart of. Actually, most of the student body consisted of aspiring YouTubers with fifty to a hundred thousand subscribers. Yeah, I am definitely part of that group. I was struggling to reach 100K, and only having been doing this for approximately two and a half years.  I wasn't very known. I don’t know if I’m okay with that.

Anyway, the first day in my dorm was calmer than expected. Zoe was really nice, and we decided that since we were roommates, we should collab at some point. I also discovered that she went shopping for her side of the room a while ago, before she came to America. When I walked in the dorm after my shower, I found everything around her bed decorated with matching, light colored bed sheets and paintings hung on either side of the window. She had come prepared.

"Do you like it?" she asked, seeing the surprised look on my face. "I got a bit excited when I went shopping. I haven't decorated in a while.”

"It looks nice," I said, feeling strangely inadequate as I went and sat down on my naked bed.

"Thanks! How are you going to do your side?" she inquired.

"Umm.." I hummed, looking at the blank walls around my bed. "Probably my usual video background. Posters of all my fandoms and such."

"Oh that’s cool. Which fandoms?"

"One Direction, Little Mix, Demi Lovato. Quite a few. I’ll probably do it all over the weekend, before classes start on Monday."

Then I went over and opened the zip on my duffle bag, pulling out my black and white bedsheets. The more I unpacked my stuff, the more differences I saw between Zoe and I. Her side was girly and light, and mine was going to be dark and fangirl-esque.

"So I’m guessing your favorite color is black," Zoe commented after I had my bed made.

I chuckled. “Yeah, how’d you know?” I replied sarcastically. “But in all seriousness... pink and black.”

“You wear black all the time too?” she asked, nodded towards the closet, which I had left open.

“Yeah. Well, black, white and grey. Is that weird?”

“Of course not! You live your monochrome life!”

I had a feeling we were going to get along, once I got over the intimidation and admiration.


	3. Chapter 3

Almost the entire YouTube community had declined the first week of the semester. I checked my subscriptions timeline, and only found a few daily vlogs. Absolutely nobody I was subscribed to had uploaded on their usual days, unless they had them pre-recorded. I mean, it was a bit expected, but I had never seen so much inactivity before. Not that I was any better; the last time I uploaded was mid-August. This campus had barely opened, and it was already interfering with creators’ schedules.

Classes officially started that Monday, the beginning of September. I had enough going on to keep me busy the whole day. While this university was designed specifically for content creators and whatnot, there were also basic general ed classes like math, P.E., and things like that. Those classes are only required if your subscriber count falls below two million. In other words, I do have to take all of them just because I was a smaller YouTuber. This place had weird policies.

Spanish was at nine in the morning, so I was up at seven thirty. Now, I am not a morning person, so when I heard the Doctor Who theme song I had set for my alarm, I groaned.

"Good morning!" Zoe chimed from her side of the room.

I rolled onto my front, seeing the small British girl doing her makeup in front of the window. I mumbled something incoherent before snoozing for twenty more minutes. After that, I was up and out of bed, but very silent and still half asleep as I went to the closet we decided to share for the time being. The sight was interesting; Zoe’s side had a little bit of every color, and my side was just black, white and grey. Don’t get me wrong, I had some nicer clothing, but they were all dark and I liked to save them for my videos. Any other time, it was just a fandom t-shirt and shorts.

"Do you think we should get a wardrobe?" Zoe asked once I pulled out my clothes. "Or a dresser or something?"

"Probably," I replied, glancing to my suitcases, which were lying open next to my bed. There was still a pile of clothes that needed to be put away. “Definitely yes."

We chatted some more and planned when we’d go shopping for our dorm (it was kind of necessary since we’re going to be living together) before I went into the bathroom to change. Today’s fandom: Supernatural. To be honest, I didn't watch the show religiously, I just needed something to wear. The tank top fit loosely on me, the way I liked it. I also wore shorts and I kept my face clean from makeup, since it was still hot out and I didn’t want to deal with it.

Afterwards, Zoe and I went downstairs to the lounge together. That’s where most of the girls were. Couldn’t blame them, the lounge was pretty cool, now that I was properly looking around at it. There were dark purple walls, dark velvety sofas, a large HD TV, a snack bar, and a mini fridge full of drinks and whatnot. And it was very roomy.

It was at this point Zoe and I separated. She went to find Alfie and her friends, and I found mine. Sophie was sitting at the snack bar, talking to none other than Cat Valdes. I approached them, tapping Sophie’s shoulder to get her attention.

"Hey!" she greeted. "This is Cat. Cat, this is Aria, the friend I was telling you about."

"Hi, nice to meet you." Cat smiled kindly.

"You too," I replied, returning the smile.

She looked at Sophie. “Is this the friend you ship with D-“

"Ha! Ha! Funny, Cat!" Sophie quickly cut across her, shaking her head in what she thought was a subtle way to get her to stop talking.

I chuckled, only to not seem rude. I knew what this was about just by hearing the word “ship,” and I wasn’t really happy about it. Sophie knew I didn’t mind when she shipped me with other YouTubers, it’s something we did all the time as a joke, but I didn’t like when she told other people about it. I mean, we’ve joked about it a lot on our channels, but that has since ended once we saw how some vloggers got when it all got out of hand. I nipped it in the bud, but Sophie liked to poke at it some more. Maybe that’s why she’s more successful than me.

"We should get going," I told my friend after some awkward silence. "Our first class start soon."

We said goodbye to Cat before leaving the building. As soon as we were out on the courtyard, I sighed heavily.

"Why do you tell people about our ships?" I asked Sophie.

"Well, I told Cat because she’s friends with him," she explained. "And somehow she ended up telling me that he’s been single for a long time, and I jokingly and lightheartedly said that you’d fit with him. And it turns out that Cat's watches your videos too, and she totally agrees with me. Also, he goes here. Y’all just gotta meet and then - boom!”

I rolled my eyes, laughing a little. I appreciated Sophie’s optimism, but it wasn’t realistic.

"Oh, tell me you guys wouldn’t match! The constant wearing of black? The crippling awkward? It’s so obvious!"

"Neither of us know the guy, and even if  I meet him, it’s just a pipe dream.”

~~~~~~~

I had three classes today. Three, three hour long classes. In between, I had only about two hours to spare. Spanish from nine to twelve, public speaking from one thirty to four, and English from six fifty to nine forty. In each of those classes, the professors all said that for every hour spent in class, we have to study an extra three hours. Okay, for one thing, I never study. Also, the whole taking-academic-classes-unless-you’re-wildly-successful thing was a bit ridiculous, seeing as I was here to be a better vlogger. What can ya do?

I didn’t know anybody I could talk to in any of my classes, apart from Sophie in Spanish, and I had no classes at all with Troye. I didn’t have a class with Zoe either, but even if I did, she’d have other friends. That’s okay, though, as long as there are no partner projects or group assignments. I preferred to work alone.

Needless to say, I was pooped after my last class. My legs were sore by the time I reached the dorms, out of breath, and completely unadjusted to this new schedule I had to put myself through. There were some people in the lounge when I got there, soon to be leaving as there was a curfew. Ten o’clock, Sunday through Thursday, and midnight Friday and Saturday.

However, once I reached my dorm, I knew I was in for a night. I found a small duffle bag with a sticky note on it sitting in front of the door. You’ve GOT to be kidding me.

_ "Alfie’s staying the night. His roommate/my brother will let you stay with him in the boys’ dorms. Hope you’re reading this before curfew. Anyway, goodnight, Aria! -Zozee" _

Rude.

I sighed heavily as I squatted down to look through the bag’s contents. There was an extra change of clothes, my toothbrush, my laptop, all my chargers. At least she packed all my necessities. I closed the bag and slung the strap over my shoulder. I looked at the note again as I stood up. I reluctantly made my way to the boys’ dorms.

I can’t even begin to explain how on edge I was. The two dorm buildings were on opposite ends of the campus, and there were security guards roaming the courtyard. I had to open up a campus map on my phone to find a way around.

After walking the perimeter of campus AKA walking around the classrooms and behind the cafeteria, as opposed to walking straight across the courtyard, I reached my destination. However, there was a security guard at the entrance of the boys’ dorms, and I was screwed. I considered going back, but I made this far, and if there was a guard here, there would be a guard over there.

I had to wait another ten minutes hiding in the bushes before a person came out of the building and tapped on the security guard’s shoulder. They chatted for a minute and then the guard went running around the side of the building. As soon as he was gone, I got out of the bushes and ran to the building, where my savior was. 

"You're the girl who was pushing the car!" he said, and I recognized him as one of the British guys who saw me and Sophie wrestling with Spaghetti on the first day. “I didn't know you were my sister's roommate! I’m Joe, remember?”

"Yes, I remember,” I said, out of breath. "How’d you know I was here?"

"I saw you from my window." He smiled. "Come on."

Joe led me into the building, which was eerily silent. There was a lounge here as well, but it was a bit smaller and slightly less luxurious than the one in the girls’ dorm. I didn’t have much time to look around, because there were room advisors patrolling and whatnot, so Joe was rushing me back to his room.

His room was a lot like mine and Zoe’s, except the beds were on opposite ends, and there were clothes and cardboard boxes strewn all over. Joe quickly went to remove the clothes and other things from what I assumed was Alfie’s bed.

"Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t expecting company," he told me.

"Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to get kicked out of my own room," I replied, probably sounding snarkier than intended.

Joe let out a small laugh, to my relief. However, he went silent when there was a knock on the door.

"Shit," he said, "You need to hide."

He frantically looked around, before grabbing my arm and leading me to the bathroom, “Turn on the shower and don’t say anything!”

What does he think I’m gonna do, sing One Direction at the top of my lungs? Still, I did what I was told, and I waited. Unfortunately, this room was  _ exactly  _ like mine and Zoe’s, as the bathroom was connected to the next dorm over, and it caught the attention of its residents. One guy with blue eyes and an “emo” haircut looked through the doorway, confusion written on his face. If I wasn't so on edge and afraid of getting caught by the room advisor, I would have properly introduced myself to AmazingfuckingPhil. All I could do was desperately hold my finger over my mouth, silently telling him not to tell anyone what he saw. He nodded slowly, still startled and then he went back to his room, closing his bathroom door on the way.

Then, the door behind me opened, Joe peering his head in. “All clear,” he told me.

I could have stayed with Sophie. I  _ literally  _ could have stayed with Sophie.


	4. Chapter 4

  Today’s alarm went off at eleven thirty. Not that I actually needed it. I barely slept, I was really on edge after hiding in the bathroom and being spotted by motherfucking Phil Lester. The alarm was just there to tell me to get off my ass, especially considering that I was in a room that wasn't my own. I sat up in the bed that wasn’t mine, stretching my limbs and looking around to find that I was alone. Joe must have had an early class or something.

However, the second I was about to properly get up, the little shit jumped out of the closet, screaming out at me. Clearly startled, I screamed and toppled onto the floor, grazing my arm on the cardboard box sitting next to the bed. Pain pulsed through my flesh, adrenaline pumping through my veins. Above me, I heard Joe laughing his ass off, and he approached me, struggling to form his next sentence.

“Man, I wish I would have filmed that!”

I sighed as I sat up on my knees, but then I quickly lunged towards his legs, causing him to fall back. Once he was down, I straddled him and pinned his arms to the floor. I don’t know what had gotten into me, I was probably just done with all these shenanigans. That, and I never wanted to lose a fight anymore.

“If you weren’t filming it, then what was it for?” I asked menacingly.

“I just get a kick out of it,” he replied, unfazed, a cheeky smile still plastered on his face.

I rolled my eyes and slapped his forehead before getting to my feet again. That was when I noticed that the door was wide open, and standing there was Alfie. Okay seriously, how the fuck did I miss that?

“Do you need a moment or something?” he asked, stifling a laugh. “I could come back..”

“No!” I said, hastily turning to look for my night bag. “I was just leaving! Unless, you’re staying another night in my room.”

“Aria, you’re bleeding,” Joe observed as he got up as well. “Holy shit, did that happen when you fell?”

“Jesus, what did you guys do all night?” Alfie asked in a teasing voice.

“Nothing,” I snapped, quickly bending down to grab my bag. “Like I said, if you’re done with my room, I’ll be going now.”

“Hey, look I’m sorry about that, it’s just-”

I cut him off. “You don’t need to explain. I get it. Just...” I sighed before my temper could rise again. “I’ll talk to Zoe about it.”

~~~~~~~

I entered my dorm with my stomach grumbling loudly. Since I woke up so late and was sidetracked by the little shit known as Joe Sugg, I missed breakfast. Oh well, I’m not big on breakfast anyway. No freshman fifteen for this girl.

Zoe was sitting on her bed, typing on her laptop until she saw me enter the vicinity. I half expected an apology, but she smiled like she was in on a big secret. I furrowed my eyebrows as I set my bag down on my bed, caught off guard by this behavior.

“What’s that face for?” I asked.

“I heard you had fun with my brother,” she told me.

“And where did you hear that?”

“Alfie said he caught you and Joe... in a moment this morning.” Zoe’s cheeky smiling was very similar to her brother’s, and it made me wanna smack her on the forehead as well.

I let out an exasperated gasp. “Nothing happened with me and Joe. I mean, he scared the shit out of me and I tackled him, but nothing happened,” I explained, my face heating up.

“Aria, I’m joking!” Zoe laughed.  "And, anyway, I really am sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have made you go all the way across campus.“

"Yeah... next time, just let me find my own place to stay. And text me ahead of time, please.”

Zoe hesitated, which made me look up at her as I unpacked my bag.

“Can I confess something?” she asked, and I nodded. “My brother saw you and your friend pushing up the car and he thought you were cute. So me and Alfie made up a plan to get you two together. Clearly it didn't work out and you're bleeding from your arm - do you want me to get the first aid kit or anything, by the way?”

I was bewildered. I had only personally known this girl for less than twenty four hours and she was already trying to set me up with people?

“First aid kit? Yes,” I said. “Trying to set me up with people? Never again.”

“Okay, understood,” she replied as she got up to go to the bathroom. Then she returned with a white plastic case. “I’m going to assume that my brother was the reason for that cut?” she asked as she opened it up.

“He scared the crap out of me and I fell and cut myself on a box,” I told her. “Gotta say, I’m completely and helplessly in love with him now.”

That made her laugh. “He’s good with the ladies, isn’t he?”

“Absolutely. Really though, I appreciate the effort you and Alfie went through to get us together, but  I’ve got bigger things to worry about than finding a guy to date.” One of those things was finding out if guys were the only ones I liked.

Zoe nodded. “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“Nope.” You could see why I was so confused in that aspect. How can I like something if I’ve never had it?

~~~~~~~

 I had another class in the evening today: math. The subject I fear the most is the one I have at night. For three hours. I was never good at math, and if I had taken it when I was at community college, then I would have been able to skip it now. I've only got myself to blame. I showed up a half hour early because I have no perception of time and also because being late scares me more than it should. For some reason, walking into a room full of people after class has started was something I could not handle.

Anyway, as the time for class to begin got closer, more and more people showed up. No one I knew was in this class so far, so I kept to myself. Even when we were finally let in the room by the instructor, no one sat next to me. The class was set up with four rows of tables that seated two people each. I didn’t really mind sitting by myself. As per usual, the professor started by introducing himself, Dr. Whatshisname. Talked about the course for a little, and then going over the syllabus he passed out, the works. They always say that they automatically start the curriculum on the first day of university, but so far none of my classes were like that.

At some point, the door opened again, and in stumbled a very tall, very lanky guy who I absolutely recognized. He looked around awkwardly and readjusted the backpack on his shoulder. My stomach dropped at the sight of him.

_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. _

However, before I get into that, I should mention that he tripped on the doorstep and dropped the water bottle he was holding. The room was silent, and I pitied him.

“Ah, you’re lucky I haven’t taken attendance yet,” Dr. Whatever spoke, smiling warmly. “I’m assuming you’re enrolled.”

“I am, yes,” Mr. Tall British Guy replied, hastily picking up his bottle and fixing his hair.

“Okay, well then, here’s your syllabus, and take a seat anywhere you'd like.”

He took the packet before scanning the room for an empty seat. I could tell by the look on his face that he was looking for a completely empty table, as I make that expression quite often. His eyes flickered to where I was, and he looked around the room again, double checking (again, a thing I do myself), and he took the seat next to me.

He was very…  _ large.  _ Like, basically a bear. I know that's how the Internet describes him, and they weren't exaggerating. That was as much as I could get from my peripherals, it’s not like I could just stare at him and get all his features processed. See if he’s as good looking as the computer screen makes him.

The lecture went on, and everybody was quiet as they followed what the professor was saying about the syllabus. I was among them, until my phone, which I left sitting on the table, rang loudly. The one time I had the volume turned up. It wasn’t just your standard text tone either, it was the TARDIS whoosh. I should note, I don't watch that show anymore. I was just too lazy to change the ringer.

Needless to say, half the class looked at me, including the large guy sitting next to me. At first, I sat there, paralyzed until the ringer stopped, and then I mumbled a “sorry” before grabbing my shitty Android and putting it on silent.

I sighed as I checked the text message. It was Troye, asking where I was. I quickly replied, saying I was in class and then I stuffed my phone in my backpack.

After that incident, Dr. Whatshisnameagain decided to take attendance. He called out names one by one. There weren’t any names I recognized, aside from Mr. Life Ruiner sitting next to me.

“Okay, now take the time to introduce yourself to your neighbor,” he announced to the class, “as they will be your partner for any project and group assignment in the class, and these are your seats for the semester as well.”

I thought he was joking, but when everyone started doing it, I freaked internally. Not because of Large Cutie Patootie, it’s just that I’m bad with new people. Especially cute people I secretly shipped myself with. I was regretting all of that at the moment.

“Hi,” he started as we faced each other. “I’m Dan.”

“Aria,” I replied, nodding once. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too.” He nodded as well, and then we cut off all eye contact. But he came back. “Nice ringtone, by the way.”

I chuckled and began to fiddle with strands of my hair. Why did I leave it naturally curly today? “Thanks.”

And the silence quickly returned. It didn’t linger too long because after that, class was dismissed. I guess the first day is always the shortest. Regardless, I sped the hell out of there, my heart racing like a motherfucker.

~~~~~~~

“So what happened?” asked Sophie in an eager tone.

We were sitting across from each other on her bed in her dorm. Although, Sophie was sitting on her knees excitedly. She was always excited while I was panicking.

“Nothing,” I replied. “We were lectured for the whole two hours and he really is as awkward as he portrays himself.”

“Well, did you talk to him at all?” Sophie inquired.

“Briefly… I didn’t know what to say..”

“Awww, you’re both so awkward, it’s meant to be!”

I breathed out a laugh. “Thanks? God, you thrive off of this, don’t you?”

“Pretty much. It’s like watching a fanfic as opposed to reading it.”

“You’re strange.”

“But you love me!”

“Yup.”

~~~~~~~

I won’t lie. After that class, I got a bit more curious. Once I was back in my room, I bust open my laptop and did a little research. Meaning, I stalked Dan’s YouTube channel. I didn’t watch his videos that often, if I’m honest, I was more about AmazingPhil for the last couple of years, but hey.

My eyes scanned the screen, and I clicked the video titled “I Mumble.” Only about thirty seconds in did I realize I had seen this before, so I went onto another. “Dan Gets His Legs Waxed.” Well, it featured Louise, who I had briefly met and secretly idolized, so why not?

There’s something about males getting their legs waxed that I get a kick out of. Maybe I’m secretly a sadist, who knows? But the first two minutes had me laughing hard. I hadn’t even realized that Zoe walked into the room until she approached my bed side.

“Hi,” I greeted, curling and bringing my laptop closer to me to hide what I was watching even though it was playing on speaker.

“Hello,” she replied, smiling wide. (Think Spongebob when he found out Squidward liked Krabby Patties.) “What’s that face? Did you find someone you like?”

“Not sure yet,” I said honestly. “As it turns out, I got a class with this guy. Do you know him?”

Zoe’s eyes lit up. “I’ve spoken to him a few times, yeah. Did you talk to him?”

I explained the whole uneventful thing again, but Zoe seemed to like it as much as Sophie did.

“You and Dan would be good together!” she told me like it was the best idea ever. “Maybe even better than you and Joe!”

“You still think me and Joe could be a thing?” I asked in disbelief.

“No, I’m only joking. Are you going to talk to Dan some more?”

“Probably, seeing as I sit next to him in that class. Who knows what’ll happen?”

Zoe smiled even more and went to sit on her bed. Only about a second after there was a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” she shouted.

In came Troye, looking very disgruntled as he quickly approached my bed with his arms folded. I knew he wasn’t being completely serious, but I still wondered what was wrong.

“You went to dinner with Sophie and you didn’t invite me?” he asked.

Oh… right. He wanted to hang out with me.

“I’m sorry!” I said. “It completely slipped my mind! I had stupid boy stuff-”

Troye interrupted me with a huge, dramatic gasp. “You and Sophie went to dinner, talked about boys, and you  _ didn’t invite me?!” _

“I’m sorry!” I said again. “I’ll buy you lunch tomorrow, okay? I’m free in the afternoon anyway!”

“Fine.” He sat down next to me, peering at my laptop. “What are we watching?”

“Aria’s future boyfriend,” Zoe teased from her side of the room.

“Oh, I know all about that.” Troye smiled. “Is that the stupid boy stuff you talked about with Sophie?”

I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last time I explain the whole thing.


	5. Chapter 5

  “Hi guys,” I spoke to the camera set up in front of me. “As you can see, this is not my usual background. I moved out of my parents’ house and into university.” I paused and looked to the side, losing my words for a second.

“Which university are you going to, Aria?” asked Troye, who was sitting on Zoe’s vacant bed, munching on a bag of chips. He liked to help guide me when I ran out of things to say. Usually he was watching over Skype, but now we had the chance to be together in person. I preferred it this way.

“I am attending YouTube University, which is a thing I’m sure all your favorite vloggers will explain,” I replied, “but basically, it’s a place where we go to learn and expand our content quality. It’s mostly based around that, but there’s also general ed classes offered, and I am taking a mix of both.”

I would have continued, but Troye let out a loud belch and I laughed.

“Thank you for your input!” I told him.

He smiled wide in response.

“So,” I returned to the camera, “I’m living on my own now, I have a roommate, who you will all meet soon.” I paused like I was thinking. “And I still have a lot to learn. Guys… I don’t know how to adult.”

Then I went on about other, more profound things briefly, and I ended my video. Troye then crumpled up his empty chip bag and then got up from Zoe’s bed to turn off my camera.

“What do you wanna do now?” he asked me.

“I need to edit this bitch, and I have class soon,” I replied.

“You told me yesterday that you were free.” Troye pouted.

“For lunch,” I corrected. “I’m sorry, I’ll meet you after, okay? And besides, you’ve got all your Senior friends now, right?”

It was true. Troye lived on the same floor as many Seniors, and they took him in pretty quickly. Whenever I saw him on campus, Troye was surrounded by quite a few people, other popular YouTubers more often than not. While it was exciting that we were in the same place for once in our lives, it felt like I was only seeing him from a distance.

“I guess, but I miss you and we had never been around each other in person until this place came around,” he said sincerely.

“Agghh, Troye!” I whined.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I’ll see you later.”

~~~~~~~

Later that day, I had video production class, one of the few real classes that was mandatory for all YouTubers. My class was pretty full by the time I got there, and there were bigger YouTubers there this time, intimidating me even more. Think of any of your favorite popular vloggers, they were probably in this room. There was a professor sitting at a desk at the front of the room, scrolling on his phone, not really paying attention to what was going on; I figured this would be a class where he would let us do pretty much what we wanted.

It was, however, still nervewracking to see everyone all in their own little cliques. Beauty gurus found their own group, travel vloggers sat in a circle... I sat down at the only remaining empty table, mildly relieved I didn't have to force myself to meet new people. I pulled my laptop and headphones out of my bag and began to work. I worked better by myself, anyway, and having my headphones on cancelling the external noises made it easier to focus. However, a few minutes later, someone else approached the table, and I looked up. It was Louise, who I had met over the weekend when she came to the dorm to see Zoe. She was really nice, really funny too.

“Hello! Can I join you?” she asked.

“Go ahead,” I replied. Better her than a complete stranger.

She smiled and sat across from me. I was just glad she didn't sit right next to me. I don't know why, I just hated when someone would watch me edit. Needless to say, this class was going to be extra fun. We chatted for a bit before getting to work. She had her own video to edit, so we were pretty quiet until someone else approached our table.

“Hi Dan!” Louise greeted.

_ Well, shit. _

I looked up for a second, seeing the same guy from yesterday. He was smiling at his friend as he sat down next to her. My face began to heat up, and I hadn’t even said a word to him. I could only sink in my seat and hide behind my laptop. 

“Where’s Phil?” Louise asked him.

“Oh, he’s got his own classes,” Dan replied. “Can you believe we managed to live in the same dorm but we don’t have any classes together?”

“Oh, you’ll survive,” Louise told him. “Anyway, have you met Aria?”

_ OKAY THANK YOU LOUISE. _

I kept my hand on the corner of my mouth, hoping to hide the blush on my cheeks as Dan looked at me. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he completely forgot we had a class together. I never expect people to remember me, especially people I barely met. I never really tried to get them to remember me either.

“Yeah, briefly,” he said, “You had the TARDIS ringtone.”

Oh right. I partially humiliated myself. That usually makes people remember. If it’s not by pushing a car, it’s by my cringey ringtone.

“Yup that was me,” I said. “That was kind of embarrassing.”

“Hey at least you didn’t trip the minute you walked into the room.” Dan offered a smile.

_ Holy mother of dimples. _

“You would do that!” Louise exclaimed, and then the two of them fell into their own conversation.

I had time to catch my breath as they chatted. I was also internally banging my head against the table. I was starting to realize just how cute Dan was and how much I wanted him to keep talking to me. Dammit, dammit, dammit! As you can see, coming to terms with my feelings includes a lot of anger.

I never liked developing feelings for people. I would always stress myself out more than I needed to, I would annoy the hell out of Sophie because I wouldn't be able to shut up about it. More importantly, I would never act on it. I just assumed the other person didn't want me, and surely this was no different. It was too unrealistic.

“Hey, Aria,” Dan said after a while.

I looked up at him in response and yeah, fuck, I like him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“You sang a cover,” he said in thought. “A cover of Save Rock and Roll, right?”

_ FUCK. _

So I sing a little bit. So I sing covers with Sophie from time to time. So one time, shortly after graduating high school, I felt a little crazy and posted a video of myself singing the wonderful Fall Out Boy song that cleared my skin and watered my crops. To be honest, my singing could have been a lot better, as that career began and ended very quickly. However, that cover is my most viewed video I have ever made. I honestly wish I knew why.

“I did,” I said in response.

“It’s incredible,” Dan told me. “Makes me wish I could sing.”

I chuckled. “Thank you. I don’t really sing anymore, to be honest. Sometimes, with my best friend, but other than that, it’s not really my forte.”

I was still blushing, and he was doing a good job at pretending not to notice. Maybe my singing wasn’t so bad.

~~~~~~~

I debated calling Sophie when class ended. I knew she would like to hear about this, but I seemed to have lost my voice to a tall British nerd who wears all black.

I entered my room, finding Zoe and Alfie cuddled close together on the bed, watching a movie on Zoe’s laptop. I smiled at them, hoping to remain casual as I strode over to my bed. I didn’t have to tell them anything. But then I dropped myself face down on the mattress, my face colliding with the pillow. I really couldn’t contain myself.

“Are you okay, Aria?” asked Alfie’s voice.

I groaned loudly in response.

“Is it Dan?” Zoe guessed, sounding excited.

I groaned even louder, moving my body miserably from side to side.

Zoe squealed. “I knew it! Tell me!”

“Wait!” Alfie said as I picked my head up. “What happened with you and Joe?”

“Nothing,” I replied, sitting up and hugging my pillow. “And not much happened with Dan either. He said he liked my singing voice, and then I came to terms with my feelings.”

“So you do like him?” Zoe asked.

I nodded, blushing so hard I could burn toast on my face. 

“Why don’t you look happy?”

“I hate crushes!” I ranted. “I don’t have time for boys, I got things to do! I have videos to make and a life to get together!” That was usually my excuse.

“Just be his friend, then,” Alfie told me.

Now even that seemed like a difficult thing to do. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I hate having feelings for someone. It usually ends in disappointment and lack of sleep and appetite. It also ends in me cutting them out of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

  The next evening, I shook in my boots as I entered math class. I wanted to avoid Dan at all costs, but I also wanted to keep talking to him. I haven’t had a proper crush since I was sixteen, and also, we’re both adults. I wasn't sure what to do.

What is supposed to happen? Do you voice your feelings right away, or do you let it simmer for a while? What will happen if/when I do tell him? Am I going to panic like I did in high school? I was always afraid of crushes and the whole concept of love and relationships. It was mainly because it wasn't just boys that gave me butterflies, but that’s a whole other fiasco. During my junior year, this guy asked me to prom and I said yes, but after thinking about it, I panicked and changed my mind. My family still gives me shit for “breaking his heart.”

Dan was already in his seat when I showed up, exact opposite form last time. I smiled at him as I sat next to him.

“Is your phone on silent this time?” he casually asked.

“Did you watch your step coming into class today?” I asked in response.

Dan chuckled. “Touché.”

The conversation died quickly. It’s expected with me. I never know what to say, small talk is boring. I sighed quietly and pulled my notebook out of my bag. The cover was scribbled with many lyrics from my favorite songs, but I quickly opened it to a clean page because I saw Dan peering at it from the corner of my eye. He didn’t say anything.

From that point on, I kept fiddling with my pencil, and that led to me finding out that we’re both left handed, though I didn’t say anything. I really wanted to keep talking to him, but it was hard to find common ground, I mean talking about being left handed is lame. I was also pretty sure he wouldn’t want to talk about 5 Second of Summer’s latest Keek either.

This is pretty much what I have to expect. I never know what to do when I have a crush. Like I said, last time I was sixteen, and I annoyed all of my friends with it instead of actually doing something about it. Now, I’m almost nineteen, and I shouldn’t be acting so... “high school” about it. I had very little experience in this field, if you couldn't tell.

It’s not like Dan would have an interest in me anyway. He’s... how old? Twenty three? I was too young, and probably too inexperienced. Yeah, I am the biggest virgin ever. You name it, I haven’t done it. Never been in a relationship, never been kissed, never had sex, I’ve probably never even looked at a person I liked for more than ten seconds.

I left class that night with a slight gloom. Not that anyone would notice. That last thing I wanted was to get some guy in my head. I just wanted to sleep, but I wouldn’t be able to anymore.

No. Not just from this stupid crush. I walked in my dorm, finding a circle of people sitting on the floor and giggling. Among them were Zoe, Alfie, Sophie, Troye, and Tyler Oakley. I stopped in my tracks, trying not to look more annoyed than I already was.

“Aria!” Sophie exclaimed. “You’re back! Come on, we’re playing Never Have I Ever!” She scooched closer to Zoe, making space for me.

“Really? It’s not even Friday night!” was all I could say.

“Do you have class tomorrow?” Zoe asked. “Sorry, I should have sent you a text that people were coming.”

Yup, you should have.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t have class tomorrow,” I said quickly, dropping my bag on the floor. Then I went to sit in between her and Sophie.

“Have a drink,” said Tyler, who passed a bottle of Smirnoff to me. “Have you played before?”

“No, but I get the gist of it,” I replied, popping the cap open using the class ring on my finger, a trick I learned from my dad. After opening it I realized I just needed to twist the cap.

“Okay, good. Let’s do something easy. Never have I ever French kissed anyone.”

Welp.

I sat there as everybody took a drink. This game was going to be pretty boring for me. Might as well declare me the queen now.

“Okay,” Sophie said, “never have I ever made someone jizz their pants.”

Same thing. Except Sophie and Alfie were with me there.

It went on like that for a while. I was probably the only sober one, not that the stuff we were drinking was strong. I’ve drank before, I’ve just never been drunk.

“Aria,” Zoe observed at some point. She was on her second bottle. Turns out, she’s kinky as fuck. “Are you cheating?”

“Nope,” I replied.

“Have you really never done any of these things?” Tyler asked me, sounding very shocked.

I shook my head. “I should have pointed that out at the beginning of the game, huh? I am as virgin as you can get.”

“No way! A girl like you?” Tyler’s eyes widened dramatically.

Frankly, that’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Sophie is sometimes convinced I was lying about being a virgin.

“Is it really that surprising?” I asked.

“No, I mean, wow. You’re so innocent.” He dramatically put his hand over his chest, that surprised look still on his face.

Sophie let out a snort. “Okay, here’s one: never have I ever watched porn with someone else.”

And my first drink of the night commenced. Thirteen year old Sophie and Aria were very curious.

“As a follow up,” Troye added, “never have I ever masturbated at someone else’s house.”

Zoe and Alfie took a drink. At the beginning, they were both squeamish, but the alcohol seemed to erase their barriers a bit.

“Aw, guys, we’re out of alcohol,” Tyler said, holding up the empty cardboard bottle holder thing.

“Well, you drank it all didn’t you?” Zoe giggled, pointing at his three empty bottles.

“Yup, so I lost! Aria Mercer, you queen, congratulations!”

“Yay! I’m a virgin! Celebratory drink!” I sarcastically remarked before taking a large gulp from my still full bottle.

Everyone cleared out after that. Sophie left giggling and she gave me a peck on the cheek. She’s very affectionate after a drink. She is also a lightweight. Tyler, Alfie, and Troye left together after Alfie had said goodbye to Zoe. They all piled out, and I shut the door behind them. 

I turned and found Zoe already asleep on her bed. She was lying on top her duvet, so I grabbed my One Direction blanket from the foot of my bed and I draped it over her. I was tempted to take a picture, but we were still new to living with each other, so I left it at that.

As soon as I was lying in my bed, the thoughts of getting frisky with a certain British guy filled my thoughts, and I was rendered sleepless once again. Playing Never Have I Ever may or may not have fueled those thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

_   The video began with Aria sitting on a chair in front of her bed, the background vacant of her usual One Direction and Demi Lovato posters. A loud belch sounded behind the camera. _

_ “Thank you for your input!” she laughed. _

_ [Jump cut.] _

_ “Hi guys,” Aria greeted, waving. “So… things have changed. Obviously, I’m not in my usual filming place. I moved out of my parents’ house and am now attending YouTube University!” _

_ [Jump cut.] _

_ “Now, I’m sure all your favorite vloggers will explain this as well, but basically this is where we, YouTubers, learn and expand and improve our content. And for people like me, still needing an actual college education, can get their general ed out of the way too. _

_ “I am also living in a dorm with a roommate, who you probably already know if you watch her daily vlogs. I’m living with Zoella! Other than that, I’m on my own, doing things by myself and doing the whole grown up thing.” Aria looked down. “And I’m not even nineteen yet. I don’t know how to adult.” _

_ The screen went black for a few seconds before Aria popped up again. _

_ “But living here for the past week has been pretty decent. I mean, my best friend Sophie lives on the floor below, and I’ve got to meet people I’ve only met through the Internet, such as…” She paused as Troye’s head peered into the shot. Aria smiled and cupped his chin, squeezing so his cheeks smushed together. “…And I’ve got a good feeling about this place.” _

_ [Jump cut.] _

_ Aria was alone again. “I guess the moral of this is: change, whether it’s good or bad, is inevitable. You guys know that I’ve struggled with this concept, and I still kind of struggle with it today. But don’t be afraid. It could bring opportunities and lots of good things. But if it doesn’t hang in there, it’s not permanent. _

_ “Thank you all for watching, give this video a thumbs up, subscribe, and all that good stuff. Bye!” _

~

I titled it “New Things Are Happening!” partly for the hype, and partly because it was true. Then I hit upload and waited.

“So, for your video we’re doing the Roommate Tag, correct?” asked Zoe, who was sitting on her bed, typing on her laptop. “And then for mine, we do What’s in My Bag.”

“Yup,” I confirmed.

Just then, there was a loud, amplified noise outside our window. Zoe and I shared a look before she pulled the blinds open, as her bed was right next to it. I went over and sat on her mattress so we could both see what was going on outside.

It was already dark outside, but we could see the courtyard lit up from our dorm. There was a group of people sitting at the little amphitheater in front of the fountain. Someone was singing and playing guitar, probably Carrie, as her voice was really familiar from all the times I could hear her and Sophie singing through the floor.

“Is that a regular thing that’s going to be happening?” I wondered.

“I think so,” Zoe said. “Tyler told me that people can sign up to perform whatever they want. A song, or a dance, or a poem, anything really.”

I chewed my lip at “D” word.

“Cool,” I said, passing over it like I wasn’t that interested.

“Man, I wish I could sing or something,” Zoe said. “Do you do anything like that?”

Dammit, I was hoping she wouldn’t ask. Why do they always ask?

“I took one year of choir in high school,” I answered, shifting slightly. “Then I gave that up for the dance team. I’ve danced since I was three.”

Zoe looked impressed. “What kind of dance did you do? Ballet?”

I shrugged, trying to find a way to change the subject. “A bit of everything. I stopped for the moment, though.”

“How come?”

I shrugged again. “Reasons.”

~~~~~~~

The first weekend at uni was mundane. You know, like any other weekend. Except now I had the power to speed over to Sophie’s dorm and stay with her while she made her weekly video. She already had a little film space set up for both her and Carrie, who I had the pleasure of properly meeting before she had to leave. In the meantime, I was sitting behind Sophie’s camera, watching as she filmed her Q&A.

“First question,” she read of her phone. “Are you 1DAF?”

We made eye contact. Sophie then got up from her chair and went to the trunk she had sitting at the foot of her bed. I knew what she was getting, so I sat back and waited. A minute later, she was sitting back in front of the camera, wearing a One Direction snapback, bracelets, dogtags, all from Claire’s. All from 2011.

“No,” she said to the camera.

As soon as she said it, we both started laughing. Then we went on a little banter about “being 1D af” before Sophie took off all the cringey merch to continue her video. The thing is we were massive One Direction fans, and we liked to be purposely cringey just to piss off the fandom. Although, for some reason it was funnier when Sophie did it. When I did it, I was vilified.

Two questions later came the inevitable, “Is Saria real?”

“Guys, we already went over this,” Sophie sighed, lifting up her left hand, displaying a large plastic ring with Louis Tomlinson’s face on it. “We’re married. Duh.”

That was a running joke we had since we were in high school, and we shared it with the Internet. It went so far to the point where I actually did buy her that ring as a joke, and she got me an identical one but with Liam Payne’s face on. Again, purposely cringey. Again, when Sophie did it, it was funny.

After Sophie finished filming, she got right to editing, and I stuck around. I liked to see how she edited her videos. Everyone was better at editing than me.

I got a text at one point, from Troye.

_ Come to my room,  _ it read. _ And bring your wife. _

“Troye wants us,” I said casually. “Think you can take a break?”

“Yeah,” Sophie replied. “Lemme save this first.”

~~~~~~~

The walk to the boys’ dorms was a lot quicker, I guess because I wasn’t sneaking over there in the dead of the night. I ran my fingers over the healing cut on my arm, remembering that strange day.

Sophie and I entered the building, finding a mix of males and females in the lounge area, some we recognized, others we didn’t. I texted Troye, asking him where his room was, when someone approached us.

“Hi Aria!” It was Joe, accompanied by none other than Caspar Lee.

“Hi,” I greeted, mildly surprised that he had remembered me. Or, more that despite having injured me the day after we met, he still wanted to talk to me.

“How’s your arm?” he asked.

I held it up, showing him and his friend the cut. “Still can’t lean on it.”

“Whoa, when did that happen?” Sophie asked in shock.

“Long story, I’ll tell you later,” I said, before turning to Joe and Caspar again. “Anyway, this is my friend, Sophie.”

She smiled wide, her eyes trailing over to Caspar. She was never subtle when she found someone attractive.

Joe seemed to notice that, so he only introduced his friend, or roommate, which befuddled me.

“I thought you lived with Alfie,” I said.

“I did, but after that, um incident-” Joe nodded down to my arm, and then he paused “-well, basically, Alfie wanted a room to himself, in case Zoe.. er- I mean like... so no one gets kicked out of their own room, Caspar took me in.” He smiled wide and threw his arm around the tall blond.

“Wait,” Caspar spoke up, looking amused. “Are you the girl that tackled him?”

I chuckled. “Yup, that was me.”

“Yeah, your blood is still on my jeans,” Joe said.

“That was your fault,” I retorted, laughing a little.

“Well you didn’t have to fall off the bed.”

“You didn’t have to give me a heart attack.”

“Wow, you guys sound married,” Sophie observed.

“What she said,” Caspar agreed.

That silenced me.

“Anyway,” Sophie quickly stepped in, linking our arms together, “we have to go meet up with a friend. Nice meeting you guys, but we have to go!”

And she yanked me to the elevator without looking back. We stepped inside the small space and silence dawned on us. 

“Sooo…” I trailed off, beating around the elephant in the room.

“What did you and Joe do?” she asked bluntly.

“Slept in his room, and then he scared me the next morning,” I explained briefly.

Sophie gasped. “Did you two–”

“No!” I quickly explained what went down on that first night of classes just as the doors opened on the second floor. I didn't tell her why, though. She would get a huge kick out of that and then probably team up with Zoe to hook me up with Joe. “…but yeah, he scared me, and apparently his last memory of me is my blood on his pants–”

My friend quickly elbowed my arm to shut me up. I looked up and saw Dan fucking Howell standing at the elevator entrance. These elevators moved fast. Standing next to Dan was his friend, Phil Lester. Of. Fucking.Course.

“Hi…” I said sheepishly, glancing between the two.

“Hello,” Dan replied, smiling politely, waving awkwardly. “Er, going down?”

“Huh?” I asked, mildly confused.

“No, we were just leaving,” Sophie answered for me as she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the elevator. “I’m Sophie by the way, I love your guys’ videos. Oh, and Aria tells me a lot about you, Dan.” She smiled and walked us down the hall, again without looking back. This girl is on a fucking roll.

I sighed loudly once we were further away. It was a brief interaction but it left me with my pulse beating hard.

“That was sad,” Sophie bluntly told me.

“I know,” I grumbled.

“You looked like a lost puppy,” she said. “Is that what happens when you’re in class with him?”

“Pretty much. Except my friend isn’t there to embarrass me in an attempt to push us together!”

“Hey, if you weren’t busy staring at your feet, you would have seen him blush when I said you talk about him!”

“He was probably embarrassed. Much like I am.”

First week at YTU and I was riddled with embarrassment.


	8. Chapter 8

  As the month of September progressed, I fell into a routine. I was slowly growing accustomed to having classes again, and balancing my upload schedule. I mean, only two weeks had passed and it was nearing my birthday. I didn’t plan on doing anything extravagant, or anything at all, but I was sure Sophie and Troye were going to do something. As long as there wasn’t a lot of attention, I would be okay with it.

Agh. I’m turning 19. Soon enough, I’ll be called in for jury duty, and then I’ll be doing taxes and then I’ll be doomed.

I spent that Saturday like I usually do, stalking my activity feed on Tumblr. I posted a video the previous day and I liked to see who was reblogging it. I also liked to follow people on my secret fan account.  _ That’s  _ where I’d see everything. People making pretty edits, conspiracies, comparisons between me and Sophie and why most people preferred Sophie. People would always talk like I would never see it.

Anyway, I was also listening to One Direction pretty loudly, seeing as my roommate was out and the neighbors weren’t complaining. I was cozy in my nest of blankets and pillows, I actually didn’t want to get up when I heard a knock on the door.

“I can’t believe you’re listening to Fireproof without me!” It was Sophie.

I pushed my laptop away and rolled out of bed. I didn’t open the door as soon as I approached it, though. “We listened to it at five o’clock this morning!” I reminded her.

It was true. Do you ever just randomly wake up and check your social media? Well that happened, and I discovered that One Direction dropped the bomb that is Fireproof. It was an amazing single, and I had a silent little fangirl to myself so I wouldn’t wake Zoe. Then, later this morning I found out that Sophie had done the same thing.

“Yeah, but not together!” she replied. “Now open the door!”

Smiling, I did so, and I found my blonde friend smiling back at me with her hands behind her back.

“Whatcha hiding?” I asked.

“Early birthday present.” She held out the mystery item, an envelope. “I couldn’t wait!”

I squinted my eyes at her as I took it, and I tore it open. However, my eyes widened and I gasped. Concert tickets. Demi Lovato.

“Dude!” I squealed before tackling her in a hug. “Oh my god!”

“Happy early birthday!” Sophie exclaimed.

We swayed around in our hug, nearly toppling ourselves over. I let go of her, my mood skyrocketing over the fact that I was going to be seeing my fucking queen next week! I jumped around excitedly. Normally, I’d cry over something like this, but I was too hyper.

“Okay, okay!” Sophie said after our jump fest. “What are you doing on birthday night?”

“I have class,” I replied, unable to wipe the smile off my face. “Video production. I’m filming with someone.”

“Who?”

“Louise.”

“Okay, what about this weekend?”

“Going to see my parents. What are you planning?”

“Well, Troye and I wanna take you to dinner.”

“You don’t have to–”

“We want to! Wherever you want, we’ll pay, and don’t you dare suggest McDonald’s!”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine!”

~~~~~~~

Come Wednesday morning, I was greeted by my alarm at ten. I was now nineteen years old. So what do I do? I take a selfie with my eyes closed and half my face buried in my pillow. I post it on Twitter, captioned, ”first selfie as a nineteen year old.” I’ll probably regret later, but oh well. That was just my life motto.

I rolled out of bed, completely unprepared to be awake, but I had a certain birthday lunch to get to in about two hours’ time. I still hadn’t decided where to go, maybe I’d just let Sophie and Troye decide.

Just as I was pulling clothing out of the cramped closet (organization was getting progressively worse as time went on), Zoe entered the room, Alfie following behind her. It was becoming a regular thing, it was either both of them here, or both of them gone. Zoe was always awake and productive long before I was. I was almost sure she didn't have an early morning class today, she was just an early riser.

“What are you doing today?” she asked after we exchange good mornings.

“Lunch, and then night class,” I replied.

“Birthday lunch?”

“How’d you know it was my birthday?”

“You literally just posted it on Twitter!” Alfie said, waving his phone at me.

“Yeah, anyway, it’s Alfie’s birthday too,” Zoe added. “And I thought maybe we should all go for a birthday lunch. You can bring Sophie and Troye along as well. I did talk about it with them but they wanted you to decide.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Let’s do it. And I’ve never had a birthday twin before. Happy birthday to us!”

Alfie and I high fived.

We went to a restaurant on the other side of town. Sophie drove us, as Spaghetti was now fixed up and as good as she was before. The waiters sang to me and Alfie, and we got free dessert. It was a good time, though I was upset with myself that I had to skip breakfast in order to be hungry for lunch. I just need to stop waking up so damn late.

Anyway, once I was back in my dorm, I had to get ready to film. I wasn’t doing a video for my channel today, as during lunch, Zoe convinced me to take the week off from filming for the sole reason that it was my birthday. However, I already did promise Louise that I would make a video with her during VP class, so I still had to make myself presentable. I straightened my naturally curly hair, did my makeup (by that I meant I filled in my brows and put on mascara), and changed from my One Direction t-shirt to a sheer black top with studs on the shoulders. I was ready in the nick of time, so I pretty much rushed to the video production building. I found Louise and Dan sitting at our usual table.

“Hi guys,” I greeted, taking my seat across from them.

“Happy birthday!” Louise told me in a sing-song voice.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

She then turned to Dan expectantly, and they seemed to have a silent debate before Dan sighed.

“I got you something,” he said to me.

“Really?” I asked, a burst of excitement running through my chest. “Aww, you didn’t have to!”

Dan reached into a small compartment in his backpack and pulled something out. He slid it over to my side of the table, looking anywhere but directly at me. “Sorry I didn’t have time to wrap it.”

“It’s okay,” I replied, finding it really endearing that he was acting so timid.

I reached over and grabbed what appeared to be a necklace. My fingers barely skimmed Dan’s and it was still enough to set my entire arm ablaze. Before I got too carried away, I held up the item, smiling uncontrollably at the pendant. It was circular with the TARDIS on one side and the words “bigger on the inside” on the other. 

“Is this to remind me of the first day of math class?” I asked him.

He laughed. “Yup, that’s exactly why I got you that.”

“Well, I appreciate it. Thank you.”

I did not have it in me to tell him I was not a fan of the show anymore. But because I was rapidly getting attached to this man, this necklace was my new favorite thing. Dan had given it to me, this was special. It was also disgustingly mushy.

“I ship it,” Louise coughed under her breath. “Anyway,” she spoke as if nothing happened, “Aria I’ve come up with a video idea. Dan’s gonna be in it as well, if that’s okay.”

“Okay, go on,” I said, fiddling with the chain in my hands.

“I think it’d be fun if we did Dan’s makeup,” Louise prompted.

I nodded approvingly. “Let’s do it.” Holy shit I'm going to touch his face.

“And I know I should have told you sooner, but do you have any makeup on you?”

“I have one lip gloss.”

“Okay, well I have everything else, so let’s get to it.”

The second floor in this building was specifically for filming and recording. There was a room for sound, a room for props, a room for just about anything in that field. People could reserve certain times for filming and rent out props. The room Louise reserved out was pretty large, all ready for us with a table and three chairs, really good lights and an even better quality camera.

I kept looking down at my feet, however. The floor was light hardwood. Is it possible for sounds to trigger memories? I suddenly felt like I was on my high school dance team again. I shifted uncomfortably and went to help Louise spread her makeup out on the table while Dan set up the camera. It then occurred to me once again that I would be poking and prodding at Dan’s face in a few minutes. The butterflies in my stomach intensified.

“So,” I said to Louise, “how are we gonna do this? Are we gonna take turns putting something on him, or should we take sides?”

“We’ll take sides,” she told me, glancing over at Dan before leaning and whispering, “You should wear his necklace.”

“Should I?”

“Well, he didn’t get it in a hurry for nothing, did he?”

I could only wonder what that meant as I looked down at it in my hand. I had been fiddling with it this entire time. I really hope Dan didn’t see that and take it as me not liking it. I quickly put it around my neck and secured it.  _ He got it in a hurry,  _ meaning he went out of his way to get it for me. He probably didn’t even know it was my birthday until I tweeted about it. Why would he do that, though?

_ Isn’t it obvious, you nub?  _ a voice in my head asked. I didn’t let that thought expand.

“Alright, it’s recording,” Dan said, unknowingly forcing me out of my thought process.

He came over and sat down between me and Louise, and then it was just silent. I looked up at them, noticing that Dan was looking at Louise, who suddenly jumped in her seat saying, “Oh right! This is a Sprinkleofglitter video!”

“Wow, Louise!” Dan laughed.

“Oh, Aria, you probably think I’m crazy now,” Louise said in a fit of giggles.

I was still fairly silent, not laughing nearly as hard as they were. The nerves were picking up rapidly. This was the first time I was filming with bigger vloggers. Meaning, they have larger audiences which meant there was a bigger chance for people to attack me.

Louise started her video with her usual greeting, and then she had to start over a few times because she kept fumbling on her words. Dan kept giggling at her slip ups. I felt mildly out of place.

“So I’m here with the lovely Dan, who is still not on fire,” she went on, “and the beautiful Aria, who…” She lost her words again.

“I just showed up,” I sarcastically said, “I just invited myself in and they’re too polite to tell me to leave.”

That made Dan laugh, which made me feel a little better.

“Lots of you guys have been requesting that I do Dan and Phil’s makeup,” Louise continued, “and well, we don’t have Phil right now because he’s in another class, but we do have Dan! Aria and I are going to do two different looks on either side of his face.”

“All I ask is that you don’t permanently blind me,” Dan said.

“Well, we can’t promise that.”

“Yeah my hands always shake when I do my makeup,” I added, but at this moment they were shaking for a whole other reason.

We got started right away. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly an expert at makeup, by any means. I could pull off wings on a good day. I knew how to blend foundation. I was damn good at blending black eyeshadow. I tried to be “goth and edgy” when I was in high school, and that was all I would wear. Now I have a skill that apparently plenty of people who wear makeup want.

“How are you going to make Dan look?” Louise asked me as she began dabbing foundation on the guy’s face.

“Like a scene kid,” I replied without missing a beat as I reached for one of the eyeshadow palettes to examine the colors.

Dan chuckled. “Oh god.”

“Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. I am an expert,” I reassured in a tone that wasn’t reassuring at all.

While Louise started with his face, I started with his eyes. More often than not, one of them would say something that the other would crack up at. Meaning, it was hard to do Dan’s makeup while he was crying with laughter. Every time, I would look into the camera like I was in The Office. I could already tell there would be rude things said about me once this video was online. Dan and Louise constantly bantering without me meant more chances for people to single me out.

“Oh, I’ve only just noticed,” Louise said after a while, stepping back to really look at Dan’s face, “this foundation is really pale on you.”

“That’s okay, now I can look as dead as I feel inside.” Dan smiled as silence filled the room.

“And with the eye look I’m doing, you’ll definitely fit into the Black Parade era,” I added.

“You’re gonna make me look how my fifteen year old self wanted to look!” 

Technically I was making him look like my fifteen year old self, but no one needed to know that. I just giggled at his statement and moved on to finish my half of his face. I wasn't as good at blending blush, and contouring was a foreign concept to me. I left Dan was left with a pinkish splotch on his cheek.

“Am I Kim Kardashian yet?” asked Dan afterwards.

“Of course you are,” Louise told him, patting his shoulder as she gave a look of uncertainty to the camera.

“Like, if the Kardashians went through an emo phase,” I said, gesturing to both sides of his face. 

The side I worked on was just a black smokey eye that resembled that of a racoon. His cheek was a little rosy, and there was nothing else to it. Louise, on the other hand, gave him a gold, shimmery eye look, contour, and highlight. She also remembered to fill in his eyebrow. Way to make me feel inadequate.

After some more banter, Louise ended the video. Dan was complaining that he'd have to walk back to his dorm with makeup on his face, and then I felt like I could be useful.

“Wait, find some paper towels,” I said as I reached for my backpack. I opened one of the zips and pulled out a small bottle of lotion. “Just put this on your face and wipe it off. Should take off most of it, but you'll smell like flowers after.”

Dan took the bottle, smiling. “Thank you. You've saved my butt.”

“Don't pretend like you don't love Aria's smokey eye and my sparkly eye,” Louise told him.

“Oh please, I'd look like this all the time if I could…”


	9. Chapter 9

“Oh my god!” exclaimed Sophie that Sunday evening.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” I asked excitingly.

We were standing in the campus parking lot, looking at my new car. A white Toyota Corolla, under my own name. I was smiling wide, still surprised at myself. I didn’t think I’d be this excited over it.

“I thought you didn’t have your license?” Sophie asked, shock still in her voice.

“What do you think I did while I was out of town?” I asked in response. “I passed my test this time, and as a birthday gift, my parents paid for half of Lechita.”

Sophie giggled. “That’s her name? Isn’t that, like, milk?”

I burst into giggles as well. “Yup.”

“I told you you’d name your first car something weird!”

“Yeah. I wish we could go for a ride, but I need to preserve gas until my next paycheck. Also, Troye’s not here. Where is he?”

“Probably hanging out with his Senior friends or something. They’ve taken him into their squad.”

She was right. When we made back inside the campus, we saw Troye sitting at the fountain, surrounded by several Seniors. Yup, he was getting on well. He waved at Sophie and me as we passed, and we waved back. I wasn’t worried. The three of us made plans to hang out this week. We’re fine. We should be fine.

“So,” Sophie spoke as we walked towards the girls’ dorms, “Did you tell your parents who gave you that necklace?”  

My hand automatically went around the pendant hanging around my neck. So I had grown a little attached to it. So maybe it made me like Dan a little more. But I still assumed he didn't want me. He was just being nice.

“No,” I replied. “It was just a nice gesture. I don't think there's any point in telling anyone anything.”

“But you tell me.”

“But you’re my best friend.”  

“True.” There was a small pause. “So you and Dan... it’s more than just a little crush, then? What are you gonna do?” 

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I don't even think he likes me that much. He's older than me and I'm so…”

“Amazing and compatible,” Sophie finished. “Why would he go out of his way to get you a quick little birthday present if he didn't like you?”

I shrugged. “It's not realistic.”

“What? No, he's literally right here in front of you and he's showing some type of interest, and you honestly think it's not realistic for you two to be a thing?”

Again, I shrugged, out of words to say about that topic.

We made it to the dorm building, managing to talk about other things we did over the weekend. Sophie was happily talking about her roommate, and how they were going to sing together at one point, until we unexpectedly ran into Joe and Caspar in the lobby. I glanced at my friend quickly, seeing her face go white, and I knew we were in dangerous territory. 

“Hey, Aria,” Joe greeted, smiling wide.  

“I’ll see you later,” Sophie mumbled to me before speed walking to the elevators so fast she could have left a draft. 

“Hi,” I said, once she was gone, unsure how long I should stay.  

“Did you go somewhere?” Joe asked, looking down at the duffle bag slung over my shoulder. 

“Uh, yeah, I visited my parents,” I explained, trying to find an excuse to leave. “Um... yeah.” 

I walked past the pair, about to make my exit but Joe put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me. Uh oh.

“Hang on, we’re about to go to dinner. You wanna come?” he asked.  

If Sophie hadn't acted so weird at the sight of the two boys, I would have considered it. But now my protective instincts were kicking in, and I had to get out of here.

“Um... Actually, I’m really tired from the traveling, and I haven’t showered or anything. Thanks for the offer, though,” I told him. 

“Oh.” Joe sounded a tiny bit disappointed. “Okay, that’s fine. Maybe next time?”  

“Sure, maybe,” I mumbled before speeding to the elevators as fast as Sophie did. While I stood confused in the tiny cubicle, I received a text from my suspicious friend. 

_ “I’ll tell you later, okay?" _

~~~~~~~ 

“Later” turned out to be longer than I thought. A couple of days went by, I hadn’t heard from Sophie. She avoided talking about it during Spanish class, and was quick to go her own way after class had ended. She always did this when she had a problem, and I guess I just had to give her space. I also had to resist pummeling Joe or Caspar for whatever they could have done. But I didn’t know what they had done. Or if they had done anything at all.

Until then, I had my own British guy to worry about. It was Tuesday night, and I was sat in math class, anxiously tapping my leg. Dan wasn’t here yet, and I was worried he wouldn’t come at all. What if he dropped the class? What if he changed his whole schedule and I would never see him again? Would this be the end of my ‘little crush?’  

I mentally kicked myself when he walked in ten minutes later. It wasn't the first time he was late to class either. I smiled as he sat next to me. I noticed he was out of breath as well.

"Did you run over here?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I nearly forgot I have an evening class."

"Well, you're right on time because we've got a worksheet to do," I said, sliding over the paper that was handed out at the beginning of class between us.

Dan nodded and scooted closer to me, looking down at the series of equations we had to solve. I swallowed the lump in my throat and rubbed under my nose. I wonder if he knew how good he smelled. I glanced at him, and then I wondered if he knew how gorgeous his side profile is.

"Okay, so- what?" he suddenly asked, meeting my eyes.

Oh god, I was staring. How do I justify it? Oh god, oh god.

"Sorry. I like your shirt," I said without thinking.

"Oh, thanks. I'm so 1DAF, aren't I?" he said in response, sarcastically brushing off his shoulders.

And that's when I properly looked at his shirt. It was a collage of One Direction, many different pictures from many different eras. I'm glad I said I liked it.

"Totally," I agreed. "Where'd you get it?"

"A viewer gave it to me. I only intended on wearing it for videos but I didn't have time to change."

I hummed. "Your viewers have good taste."

Dan chuckled, and he just looked at me for a few seconds. Before I could become too self-conscious, he quickly turned away and reached into his backpack.

"You forgot your hand cream after our video with Louise," he told me, pulling out my bottle of lotion. "She gave it to me to give back to you.”

"Oh, thanks," I said, taking the item. I paused for a second, twiddling it between my fingers. "Louise lives three floors below me. She could have given them back to me..."

I looked back up at Dan to see that his cheeks and ears were tinted with pink. Well, that makes two of us.

"I don't know." His voice cracked. "She said something about me knowing you better or trying to get us together..." He mumbled out that last bit, so I barely caught onto it.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, stuffing my things into my backpack’s front pocket.

Dan didn't say anything at first. "It doesn't matter. You have a boyfriend, don't you?"

"What?" I asked, surprised. "No. What makes you think I have a boyfriend?"

"I thought-" Dan was full on blushing now. "Um... My roommate saw you with Joe Sugg. You spent the night in his room, didn't you? He used to live next door to me... Well he still does technically, but like... Um, my roommate and I thought something else was going on.”

"Oh no, no, it's not what you think," I explained. "I had to stay with him because my roommate was with her boyfriend in my room. She made me stay with him. Maybe it was a cheap way of getting us together, but nothing happened and it was a really bad idea to begin with." I said all of this really fast. "And Joe is an acquaintance," I quickly added.

Dan nodded, catching every word I rambled out. "So you're definitely not seeing anyone?"

"I'm not. Nor have I ever."

"You're joking."

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"Is it surprising?"

He hesitated. "A little, I mean you're really-" He cut himself off. "It's just... I don't know, you don't see a lot of people without experience these days." Saved himself there.

I took a deep, quiet breath. Holy shit.

"Well, I'm not really bothered by it. Whatever happens, I guess," I told him and then I sunk into our math assignment.

~~~~~~~

Needless to say, I had to talk to someone about this. I got Sophie and Troye together in my room. Zoe and Alfie were there too, by default. I hastily explained what happened during class, my stomach turning with every word, the lovesick puppy in my voice ceasing to waver.

"So what do I do now?" I asked afterwards. I was lying my head on Troye's lap and I was staring at the ceiling.

"Ask him out!" Zoe replied immediately.

"Any other suggestions?" I sighed.

"It's the only suggestion," Troye said, moving my hair from my face.

This was so much easier when I was just lusting after unattainable boys (and girls, but that's a secret) in bands.

"Just keep being his friend," Alfie told me. "And when the time is right, ask him out."

"Okay, better. But I've never asked anyone out before." My tone was very glum.

"Then just be his friend! God, woman, you make it so hard on yourself!"

"You're talking to someone who's never done anything with a guy!" Sophie snapped. "But he's right, Aria. Listen, Dan is not like those guys you crushed on in high school. You have next to nothing to lose if you try to take it somewhere."

"And it's a little obvious that Dan likes you," Troye added. "He gave you a fucking necklace! And he's across the hall from me. I hear him talk to Phil when they come and go from their room. If only you knew..."

I sat up, looking at him with shock. "What?"

Troye shrugged. "Just talk to him some more."

So I did. Well, I tried.

September drew to a rapid close as I progressed with juggling classwork, YouTube, and Dan Howell. Spanish class was a breeze, public speaking was just a fuck ton of deadlines, English was a pain. Math? No. My upload schedule was getting back on track again, nearly every Friday I had a new video.The three times out of the week I saw the man himself, I tried to talk to him about things outside the classroom, but we were easily distracted. Plus, one out of those three times I saw him, Louise was there too, and Dan got on better with her. Come October, it began to feel as awkward as it did when we first met. Except now I wear a necklace to go with it.

On Wednesday evening, I was almost dreading having to go to video production class, which was also known as third wheeling two good friends. I dragged my feet as I gathered my things, and I decided to change out of my 'filming' clothes and into a t-shirt. I have no one to impress. It's unrealistic anyway. As usual, I heard the click of the door unlock and Zoe's voice filled the room.

"Aria, what are you doing on Saturday?" she asked.

"It's just gonna be me and my laptop," I replied.

"Well, Alfie won movie tickets in a class raffle," she told me. "Would you want to go with us?"

That's odd.

"Really? Won't I be third wheeling?"

"No, Alfie is inviting one of his friends too. Come on, it'll be fun!"

Why was she so keen on inviting me? Surely, she'd have invited Louise, or Tanya or Niomi. Why me? And how were they going to get there anyway? The movie theater was pretty far a walk, and the university shuttle doesn't travel to leisurely places after certain times.

"Oh," I said once I caught on. "Are you asking me to go because I have a method of transportation?"

"No, of course not!" Zoe told me. She looked around the room to fill the awkward silence. "We're roommates, I just thought we should spend more time together."

_ We sleep in the same room and see each other half naked all the time, _ I thought. _ I think we're as close as roommates should be. _

"Okay, yeah," I said mainly to be polite. "I'll go."

Zoe's eyes lit up, and a huge smile broke out on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah, but you and Alfie, and Alfie's friend need to pay me gas money."

"Okay, deal. I can't wait!"

I couldn't help but think she was acting a bit too excited, but maybe that's how normal people are when it comes to socializing. I passed over it, and I grabbed my backpack from where I left it on the bed.

"We're filming when I get back, right?" I asked as I walked to the door.

"Yes," she confirmed.

With that, I nodded and left our dorm. When I got to the VP room, I found Dan and Louise at our table, deep in conversation. I slowed my steps as I got closer, feeling as though I might intrude. However, upon seeing me, they both smiled. I returned the smile and sat down.

"Hi," I greeted, pulling my laptop out of my bag.

Louise looked at Dan, who had begun to avoid eye contact. I got a funny feeling that they were talking about me before I showed up. Everyone was acting very strange today.

"How are you, Aria?" Louise asked.

"I'm good, trying to keep up with class work as usual," I said, my eyes trailing over to a very silent Dan.

Louise seemed to notice this, so she kept asking. "So, do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"Yeah, for once. Zoe invited me to the movies. Me, her, Alfie, and someone else are all going."

"Really?" Dan suddenly asked, and I pretended to not notice Louise sit back with a satisfied look on her face.

I only nodded in response, mildly startled.

"I'm going out this weekend with them too. Alfie set me up on a date... With Zoe's roommate."


	10. Chapter 10

   “Well, you weren’t doing anything about it!” Zoe retorted later that night. “And I told Alfie not to say it was a date!”

“That didn’t give you the right to intervene!” I told her from behind the camera I was currently setting up. “Where is Alfie, anyway? He’s usually here!”

“He’s doing homework in his room,” Zoe said. “Can't always be around each other.”

Or maybe he’s hiding because he knew I'd be upset. Seriously, what gave them the right to invade my personal life like that!? I couldn't help but feel betrayed. I still didn’t know Zoe all that well, but I thought we were developing  _ some  _ kind of trust in the short time we’ve lived together. Same with Alfie, who didn’t live here, but he’s been around enough to hear me rant about Dan. This is what I get for being vulnerable and expressing my emotions to people.

“I can’t believe this, I trusted you guys!” I snapped, now pacing the room.

“Hey, neither of us told him that you liked him! I said it was a group thing, and that other people would be there. Alfie turned it into a blind date! Besides, you sounded so miserable when you talked about Dan, and-”

“I just wanted somebody to listen, I didn’t ask you to set us up on a blind date! Did you only do that because you thought I was annoying?” I asked. Maybe she just wanted to shut me up. “With how much I talked about him, because I do that sometimes, and if it bugs you then just tell me, and I’ll go annoy Sophie instead!”

“Aria, you’re not annoying, I promise,” Zoe said solemnly. Then, she sighed, burying her face in her hands for a moment before looking at me. “I’m so sorry, we should not have intervened, and I do not blame you one bit if you never confide in me again. But… be honest, were you ever going to ask him out yourself?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe he would have done it. That's not the point, though!”

“I know, and I really am sorry. At least try to be glad you’re going to spend some time with him. Will you still go with us?”

As angry as I was, Zoe was kind of right. I would have bottled up all of my feelings and not done anything about it. I couldn't break the date now. It felt worse to back out of it.

My stomach was flipping uncomfortably. I couldn’t trust my roommate anymore, but I’m going on a date with a guy I like because of it. As if my head didn’t need to spin anymore.

“Whatever, let’s just film,” I said in conclusion.

“You’re still upset, I can tell,” Zoe spoke. “Let’s just do it tomorrow.”

I wanted to protest because she was right… but  _ she was right.  _ With an audience as wide as her’s, I couldn’t give off the impression that I was the bitchy roommate. Even though her audience already perceived me like that through her daily vlogs that have since stopped. Still, I needed to cool down. Hey, I could think about my date with Dan.

~~~~~~~

_ “Hey guys! Today I’m joined by my roommate for the first time!” Aria happily spoke into the camera. _

_ Up sat Zoe Sugg, who waved at the camera. “Hello!” _

_ “So we’ve been living together for about… a month and a half, right?” Aria said, turning to Zoe, “and maybe it’s a bit too soon, which is kind of why I thought this was a good idea.” _

_ “Yeah, like a thing to look back on in the future,” Zoe agreed. _

_ “We’re doing the roommate tag. I found a list of questions online somewhere, and we’re just gonna answer them all.” _

_ … _

_ On the screen in black letters read:  _ **_What did you guys initially think of each other when you first met?_ **

_ “Holy crap, I’m rooming with Zoella,” Aria said with a small laugh. _

_ “I thought you were in some sort of accident,” Zoe replied. “Remember? You were covered in soot from your friend’s car?” She couldn’t help but smile and laugh. _

_ “Oh yeah! Oh my god, that was embarrassing!” The two girls were laughing for a bit, Aria was even hunched over. _

_ [jump cut.] _

**_‘What is one thing that really bothers you that your roommate does?’_ **

_ “Zoe gets up at the ass crack of dawn.” _

_ “That is not true! Eight o’clock is not dawn!” _

_ “Well, it’s early and you would vlog sometimes! I was surprised you didn’t do anything to me in my sleep!” _

_ “While we’re talking about sleep, Aria is literally on her phone all night! The room will be dark, but on her side of the room you just see the light of her phone! No wonder you get up so late!” _

_ … _

**_‘Who spends the most time getting ready in the morning?’_ **

_ Aria looks at Zoe. _

_ [jump cut.] _

**_‘How do you deal with sharing a bathroom?’_ **

_ “Thing is,” Aria explained, “the bathroom connects to the next room over, so that’s two extra people we have to share with.” _

_ “We each get a shelf in the cabinet and we each get a draw,” Zoe said simply. _

_ Silence. “Yeah.” _

_ [jump cut.] _

**_‘Nationalities?’_ **

_ “Why is this a question? Well, I’m British.” _

_ “Y yo soy mexicana.” _

_ Zoe looked at her roommate in shock. “Wha–” _

_ [jump cut.] _

~

_ “Hello everybody!” Zoe greeted, waving at the camera with both hands. “Today I’m going to do a video I have done in the past, seeing as I’m attending a university for the time being. And I’ll be joined by my roommate, Aria!” _

_ “Hello!” chimed the brunette who was sat next to her. _

_ “And what will we be doing today?” Zoe asked her. _

_ “We’re doing the What’s in My Bag challenge,” Aria replied. “College edition.” _

_ The two girls held up their rucksacks, Zoe’s being black and leathery, and Aria’s being pink and black and somewhat knitted. They briefly talked about where they got their bags and the material and things before they got to digging inside. _

_ “So, we’ll start from the outside and work our way in,” Zoe explained, opening up one of the side pockets on her bag. “Let’s see what we’ve got here… my phone. You know, important to have your phone on you always. What have you got, Aria?” _

_ “Um… a notepad,” she replied, holding up a light blue pad of paper. “If I don’t write down my assignments and stick them to one of my notebooks, I will forget about them.” _

_ … _

_ “Wha- oh…” Aria chuckled nervously, her hand stuffed inside the smaller front pocket of her rucksack. _

_ “What? Is it a tampon?” Zoe asked. _

_ “No.. it’s my wallet, accompanied by a bunch of gum wrappers.” Aria pulled out the red leathery item, and out fell several small crumpled pieces of aluminum. “I chew gum to stay awake in class and there usually isn’t a trash can near me.” _

_ “And you just keep them?” _

_ “Well, I’m not gonna litter in the class! Unless I don’t like my professor.” _

~~~~~~~

Those videos were up on Saturday morning. I was too nervous to look at the comments for a number of reasons. First off, anytime I collab with someone for the first time on my channel, I usually teach them a dance just for the lols, but since I cut that part out of my life a few months ago, it obviously didn’t happen. I was a little wary that my viewers would be disappointed. Second, I was considered a very small YouTuber, and Zoe’s audience liked to say that I was using her for views, which wasn’t at all true, needless to say.

I was more afraid of that, even though it was nothing I haven’t seen before. I got the same kind of backlash when the video with Dan and Louise was uploaded. Turns out, being “unknown” means “destroy this specific female that’s near Dan Howell.” It was particularly bad with that group of people, the people who loved and worshipped Dan and Phil. I knew shipping was a thing, but I hadn't seen people so passionate about the idea of two people being together since Larry. Come to think of it, “Phan” was the “Larry” of YouTube.

Speaking of, the same thing happened when I expressed my love for One Direction in a video. That fandom jumped down my throat, but incidentally got me to ten thousand subscribers at the time. Then when I became friends with Troye, that was also quite the shitstorm. Though, it hasn’t really stopped anything, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

I suppose the only thing I had to look forward to today was the date. I thought I would be attacked with angry butterflies that ruined my sleep and appetite (but those things are typically ruined regardless), but I was at ease. I wonder if that meant something. Don’t get me wrong, though, I was nervous. I had woken up two hours before my usual time, I even curled my hair because I felt the need to keep myself busy.

I was sat on the counter in the bathroom, finishing with the top layer of my choppy hair. Once I was done, I still fiddled with it, until I heard muffled noise coming from the floor. I stepped out of the bathroom, listening carefully and so help me god if it was Sophie deciding to have a friend over. 

It was Sophie, but she was singing. I couldn’t help but smile. She was probably filming a cover for her channel, something she does quite often. She’s sung her whole life, and she’s ridiculously underrated, in my opinion. Then again, she’s my best friend, of course I think she’s amazing. That was her main thing to do on YouTube, just like mine was dancing. The difference is, she was still singing.

I was lying on the floor with my ear pressed to the carpet not long after. I knew what song she was singing, I could make out the words:

_ “In case you’re looking in that mirror one day _

_ And miss my arms, how they wrapped around your waist I’d say _

_ That you can love me again _

_ Even if it isn’t the case…” _

And it was in this position which Zoe found me when she entered the dorm. She stood in the doorway for a moment, puzzled at the sight of her roommate lying face down on the floor.

“What are you doing?” she asked, shutting the door behind her and stepping around me to reach her bed.

“I can hear Sophie singing,” I replied. “Have you heard her covers before?”

“I haven’t,” Zoe said. “What does she normally sing?”

“A bit of everything, though I haven’t heard her sing Demi Lovato in a while,” I said, sitting up on my knees and fixing my hair. She was probably singing Demi because of the concert we went to a few weeks ago.

“So she sings, and you dance? I like that.”

“Used to dance.” I got up and went to the closet in the corner of the room. I pulled open the doors, and a large pile of clothing fell at my feet. “So when are we getting that wardrobe?” I asked.

“Soon, I promise,” Zoe replied. “Sorry about that, can’t be bothered to put away clothing these days.”

“I know the feeling, some of this is mine too.” I bent down and began to dig through the pile, trying to find my black sheer top and black jeans. I had to stop myself from cracking a smile. The day after the date was made, Dan noticed how similarly we dressed in the sense that we wear mostly black. I was kind of hoping today would be the same.

“What time is the movie?” I asked as I pushed the rest of the pile into the bottom of the closet.

“Around seven. The boys will be coming for us soon.” She got up and went into the bathroom, and came back out with her makeup bag and brushes. I was already changing, but neither of us minded. We got comfortable pretty quickly. Part of that was because she forgot to put the sock on the doorknob one day when she had Alfie over.

“What are we watching?” I asked, buttoning up my sleeveless top.

“That new One Direction movie,” Zoe replied. “Since there’s going to be a lot of people, we’re getting a private room, and we’ll be in and out of the theatre before anyone sees us, so we don’t have to worry about anyone spotting us.”

All I heard was ‘One Direction movie.’ My eyes widened. How do I focus on my date if my boys are going to be on the screen? Tonight would determine where my priorities lie. I went and reached under my bed and pulled out an old shoe box… where I kept my One Direction merch. I didn’t want to seem too fangirly (I say that, but I have a fucking shoe box for this band - also, the wall above my bed now had quite a few posters after some angry YouTube comments pressured me into putting them back up) so I took out a small, white “I ♥ 1D” pin and I attached it to the collar of my shirt. Then, before I could forget, I grabbed my TARDIS necklace and threw that on as well.

I was left shaking in my combat boots minutes later. I had done a fairly good job at keeping myself distracted for most of the day, but now that I was close to the actual event, anxiety was rising.

“Aria, it’s going to be okay,” Zoe reassured once she saw that I was anxiously tapping my leg. “Breathe. Nothing dramatic really happens on the first date, anyway. Especially if it's a double date.”

I exhaled deeply and then itched at the prickling in the corner of my eye. I was not going to wimp out due to anxiety this time. This will not be a repeat of my high school prom. I took my finger from my eye, only to realize it was smudged with black.

“Crap.” I rushed to the bathroom. I fixed my eyeliner wing, though I couldn’t fuss over it not matching the other one because I heard a knock on the front door. My stomach turned over. I kept reminding myself that  _ One Direction: Where We Are  _ was waiting for me at the movie theatre, and then I didn’t know whether to be excited or nervous.

“Aria!” Zoe called.

Fuck. Moment of truth.

I took another deep breath, and then opened the bathroom door. I took one step and banged the toe of my boot against the doorway. It didn’t hurt at all really, but I still let out a choice word. Good one, Aria.

“Hi guys,” I said to Alfie and Dan, who were now in the room.

Alfie was trying to hide a cheeky smirk, and Dan was looking at my side of the room, where I had what I now felt were too many posters hung up. And for the first time, I was questioning whether or not it was a good idea to keep using that as my video background.

“Hi.” Dan turned and smiled at me.

I returned the smile and went to grab my purse from the shelf. “Are we all ready?”

“How much do we pay you for gas money?” asked Alfie.

“Five each,” I replied. “Just pay me when we get back.”

And we ventured out of the dorm. Zoe and Alfie walked a couple of steps ahead of me and Dan down the narrow hallway, having their own conversation. I figured I should probably talk to Dan but my mind drew a blank. Luckily, he started talking first.

“I liked the poster of Ten you have on your wall,” he said.

“Thanks,” I replied, relieved that he didn’t ask if it was creepy for me to have so many posters. Especially for a show I stopped watching long ago. “Yeah, Ten has a special place in my heart.”

“Yeah, same.”

I looked at him, smiling and I saw he was wearing the One Direction t-shirt under his leather button up.

“Hey, you’re wearing the shirt I like,” I said, poking his arm.

“Thought it was appropriate,” Dan shrugged. “Don’t tell me you don’t have any swaggy 1D merch?”

I chuckled. “I have merch, but it’s more cringey than swaggy.”

“So it’s from 2011?”

“Yup.”

We both laughed, but Dan quickly stopped and said in a serious tone, “You are not 1DAF.”

I scoffed. “Just wait til we get to the movie!”

~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe you cried during Story of My Life!” Alfie teased as we sat in the private room above the theatre.

“I don’t understand how you didn’t cry,” I said in defense.

“Yeah, I cried too,” Zoe agreed. “It was an emotional time!”

We stayed in our seats, watching everyone in the public theatre file out. Upon arriving to the cinema, we were escorted by an employee to this secret room. We could see out into the audience but they couldn’t see us unless they looked behind themselves. It was really small, only made for about ten people, and it was only us four. I almost kind of wished I was down there with the other fangirls, but I would need Sophie with me. Speaking of which, she was going to be a little salty that I went to this movie without her. Oh well.

“Was that everything you dreamt of, Aria?” Dan asked with a small laugh.

“Yup,” I sighed. “That’s the closest I’ll ever get to seeing One Direction live.”

“That’s kind of depressing.”

“Yeah…”

Soon after, a theatre employee collected us and we were escorted out of the building through the back. I suppose if this was a group thing (meaning if I had Sophie here and Dan had Phil) as opposed to a double date, we wouldn’t need to secretly enter and exit the place, but what are you gonna do?

It was already dark outside, and there was a small chill in the air. I shivered and crossed my arms. Wearing a sleeveless top was probably a bad idea in hindsight.

“You cold? Do you want my jacket?” Dan asked as we walked to my car.

I tried to protest, but he slid the leather off his shoulders and placed it around mine. I smiled and mumbled a thank you. Thought it was a bit pointless because my car wasn’t that far, but it still made my heart swell disgustingly.

We huddled inside the white vehicle, and I began to wonder… Even if we were careful, had anyone known we were here? Did anyone see us? I felt impending anxiety in the back of my head and deep in my stomach. If this got on the Internet, would it be bad? I mean, Zoe and Alfie took it upon themselves not to vlog tonight’s events, so that must mean something right? And what about Dan? I didn’t know how private he wanted to be about this, whatever “this” was. I mean, clearly he likes me, right? He didn’t seem too weirded out when I did the “Best Song Ever” dance during the movie, that has to mean something. Or is he just polite? Or did he decide he wanted nothing to do with me after seeing me go into complete fangirl mode?

“Any other stops before we get back to campus?” I asked as I pulled out of the parking lot.

There was a unanimous “no” and Alfie said there was a party on campus. So to the university we went.

“Who’s at this party?” Dan asked.

“Just about everybody, according to Tyler,” he replied, and I saw through the rear-view mirror that he was scrolling through his phone. “And it’s on the courtyard.”

YouTube University is a party school. Who would have guessed?


	11. Chapter 11

“No, I was having f-fun!” I hiccuped, stumbling into the wall next to the elevator.

A pair of hands came firmly down on my shoulders and led me inside the elevator. Why was the elevator spinning?

“No no, you’ve had a bit much to drink,” Dan’s distant voice said as he punched the button to my floor. “Bad way to end a first date, if I’m honest.”

“ _ Sí, estabámos en una cita _ ,” I mumbled, leaning against the back wall in the tiny cubicle. “ _ Y ahora quiero estar contigo hasta la salida del sol…” _

“I–  _ what?”  _ he asked, sounding confused. “Okay, she speaks.. something else…” he said to himself just as the doors opened. “You’re in room four thirty seven, right?”

I nodded once. I was getting very sleepy.

Dan put his arm around me and led me out of the elevator. We slowly walked down the hall, for the room was still spinning and I just wanted to take a nap on him. Not with him,  _ on  _ him. This wasn’t how I was expecting the date to go, needless to say. How did I even get here?

“Here we are,” he said at last. “Do you have your key, Aria?”

I clumsily held up my purse and half-struggled with the zip, and even worse with digging through the contents. At one point, Dan just knocked on the door, and Zoe answered almost immediately.

“Oh thank God, I was hoping she’d be with you,” she said in relief. “Once I saw her with Joe I thought she had ditched you or something.”

“No, I was there too,” Dan told her. “When did you leave the party?”

“A little while after we got there. I just wasn’t up for it tonight. Did you have fun, Aria?”

“I did shots for the first time!” I giggled.

“Ohh…” Dan said in realization. “That explains a lot.”

“Should’ve told ya sooner.  _ Mi culpa,”  _ I told him, poking his chest in what I thought was a playful manner.

“Right, well,” Zoe spoke, “thanks for bringing her, Dan. I’ll take it from here.”

“Okay, goodnight. Goodnight, Aria.”

_ “Buenas noches mi luz del sol.” _

And after that, I’m not sure what else happened.  I just woke up with a mild headache and the fear that I was more hungover than I thought. I felt kind of queasy, but not like I wanted to puke. Not yet, anyway. The light peering in through the window made me want to hide under the covers til nightfall, and so did the utter embarrassment sitting in my chest. I probably ruined any chance I had with Dan. If it wasn’t the alcohol, it had to be me fangirling too hard over One Direction. Why do I do these things to myself?

I rolled over, away from the wall. I peered around the room; Zoe was nowhere to be seen. I reached for my purse sitting on the floor by my bed and I pulled out my phone. Half past one, and there were texts from Sophie and Troye and quite a few tweet notifications. I checked those first.

One from Tyler Oakley. A picture of him, me, Troye, and Sophie.  _ “So great to finally party with my queens!”  _ I really doubt I acted like a queen.

One from Phil Lester. Apparently we took a selfie.  _ “*sunglasses emoji*”  _ Don’t know, but wow. I had a feeling I was bolder and braver once I had some liquid courage jn me.

One from Sophie. Selfie of her, myself, and Troye.  _ “#squadup”  _ Squad up, apparently.

And one from Joe. Someone else had taken the photo, we were hugging, our cheeks were squished together, and making kissy faces.  _ “*heart emoji*” _ And that’s how “Jaria” started. As if my Twitter mentions weren't already hectic.

Nothing too humiliating, though I feel like Joe and I will have some explaining to do at one point. Oh well.

I checked my texts after that. Troye texted me this morning, asking where I was. It was the early morning when he sent that, so whatever he wanted to do is probably not gonna happen now. Sophie messaged me also, saying she needed to talk to me. Well, clearly I miss a lot of things when I sleep. Now this means I have to get out of bed.

I changed into some shorts before texting Sophie back and asking where she was. As I waited for a reply, I went into the bathroom. Black surrounded my eyes, my hair was sticking up in places, and there was dried, crusted drool on my chin. Thank god no one has seen me today yet.

I did a quick wash up of my face and redid some of the curls in my hair. I couldn’t be bothered with my contact lenses today (did I even take them off before I went to sleep? Apparently I did, as I poked my eye for a good minute searching for them), so I put on my eye glasses: thick, black frames that were a little too big for my face. That was when the alcohol I consumed last night decided to pay a visit, so I spent an extra few minutes leaning over the toilet. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, so I either didn’t drink that much or I’m not as much of a lightweight as I thought. 

Anyway, once that was over with, I went back to my phone, which I had left on my bed. However, before I reached it, I stepped on one of the articles of clothing surrounding my bed. Normally, I would have ignored it but last time I checked, I don’t own anything leather. I picked it up, thinking it was Zoe’s and was about to throw it on her bed, but it was too big for either of us. Then the flashbacks of it being put on me hit me like cold water. I have to see him again, don’t I?

Sighing heavily, I picked up my phone. Sophie responded, saying she was at the boys’ dorms. “Perfect,” I typed back as I put on my flip flops and went out the door. “I’m heading over there right now.” She didn’t reply after that, so I figured I’d find her there.

As soon as I was outside, I strongly considered running back inside. The sunlight only let my mild headache intensify. I should have put up with the contacts and worn sunglasses. The longer I walked across the courtyard, the more uneasy I felt, and I was sure it wasn’t the hangover talking. I didn’t even know what I was going to say to Dan. Maybe I should just give his shirt to someone who knows him to save myself the embarrassment. I slowed my steps as I approached the entrance to the boys’ dorms, serious doubt running through my head. Just as I took another step to the door, Joe unexpectedly came out, and he laughed upon seeing my appearance.

“Are you hungover, Aria?” he asked as a greeting.

“Yes, aren’t you?” I bluntly replied. Yup, I’m stalling.

“A little, but then again, I’m not much of a lightweight,” he teased.

I scoffed. Out of the things I remember from last night, I do recall telling Joe I was a lightweight before we challenged each other to chug a mysterious beverage in ten seconds. Which I won, by the way.

“So about that picture of us you posted,” I said, “you’ve seen what your followers are saying, right?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Joe told me. “I already tweeted that it was a joke and that we’re friends.”

“Okay, good.”

“Although,” he quickly added, “I feel like we could have fun with Jaria. Don’t you think?”

I hesitated. I really didn’t like fan service and acting a certain way to get views or reactions. Plus, now there was also Dan to think about. I mean yes, all my chances with him have been alienated, but I didn’t want him to feel screwed over if I were to act all coupley with Joe on camera. Not that I was going to do that.

“Bad idea?” Joe guessed, reading the look on my face.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just that.. I’m kind of, sort of, seeing someone, and I don’t think it’d be fair to him. There’s just a lot of things I need to figure out first.”

“Oh, sorry, I had no idea. Who are you seeing?”

“Dan Howell.”

“Huh. Good match. I can see you guys being together.” He smiled.

No one else has said that. I mean, I was set up with him, but no one else outwardly said that we'd be good together, apart from Sophie. Weirdly enough, I felt a little better about going to find the devil himself.

“I’m…” I chuckled, looking down at Dan’s shirt in my hands. “I guess…” I blushed.

“Alright, well I assume you’re looking for him, so I’ll let you be,” Joe said. “Actually, one more thing. Your friend? The blonde with the glasses?”

“Sophie?”

“Yeah, how long is she planning to stay with Caspar?”

My smile dropped. “What?”

“She’s been spending nights with him, I’ve actually had to stay with Alfie for the last few days. And she showed up this morning, picking a fight with Caspar. I had to leave before they made up.”

I remained silent, my mouth hung open. So that’s why Sophie has been acting strange. That’s why I haven’t really seen her these days. I should have guessed!

“She didn’t tell you, did she?” Joe said in realization. “Right, well… yeah. Let me know how it goes with Dan. Um, I’ll see you later.”

And now I was glad I got out of bed today.

As soon as Joe had gone, I sped straight inside, to the elevators, to the appropriate floor. I anxiously tapped my foot, and nearly bolted out when the doors opened if it hadn’t been for someone standing in the way. I felt a mix of giddiness, for the way he was looking at me, and shame, because of last night.

“I was going to go find you,” Dan said, smiling like he was relieved.

“I assumed you wanted your shirt back,” I replied, stepping out of the elevator and handing him the leather material.

“Well, yeah,” he said, “but I also wanted to see you. Make sure you were okay after the party.”

Okay now he’s just being too polite.

I sighed. “I’m alive. Look, I’m really sorry about last night. I was way too excited over One Direction, and then I was a terrible mess at the party, and then you had to drag my drunk ass back to my room, and I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Dan reassured, smiling. “One Direction are great, and I’m happy you had fun watching the movie. And there was no problem whatsoever taking you back to your room. I wanted to make sure you would be okay.”

“Still,” I said. Although I was embarrassed and blushing and giggling (dear god, Aria, get it together!), I had to make it up to him. “I feel like I owe you a do over date.”

I was surprised to see his eyes light up.

“That sounds nice.” He smiled wider. “But don’t feel as though you owe me anything, okay? I was just being a decent human last night. And we’ll call it a second date, rather than a do over. Okay?”

“Okay.” And there’s that warm fuzzy feeling that makes me want to swallow my fist. “Do you wanna go for lunch later?” Wait, it’s past noon. Fuck.

“Yeah, I’d love to! Where did you want to go?”

“Panera?” Is there even a Panera around here? There has to be, right?

“Hmm, how about The Tube?” Dan suggested. “It's this diner-slash-bar made specifically for vloggers and it's right up the road. It's a bit more private, if you'd like that.”

I didn't know the university offered us our own restaurant. I liked that idea. He was full of good ideas.

“Yeah, sounds good.” I smiled, and it was actually genuine. 

“Okay, so I’ll meet you around… four?” Dan offered.

Late lunch. Wow.

“Yeah, perfect.”

Just then, a door down the hall opened, and harsh voices filled the hallway. Dan and I turned to where the commotion was coming from, and I remembered the other reason why I came here.

“I don’t care what you have to say anymore!” snapped Sophie as she stormed out into the hallway.

“Fine! I don’t know why you’re acting like this anyway!” Caspar shot back at her.

Then Sophie began to argue and Caspar talked over her and they weren’t too quiet either. They were screaming and flailing arms, Sophie tried to push him away, and he whacked her hands away. Soon enough, surrounding residents began to poke their heads out there doors, and I had to step in before it got worse.

“Excuse me,” I said to Dan as I walked past him.

I went over and grabbed Sophie’s wrist, calling her name. She looked at me, startled, tears in her green eyes. Then I shot a dirty look at Caspar before taking my friend away from him. We went back to the elevator, where Dan was still standing, looking utterly lost.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly told him as I pushed the button to go down. The doors opened and Sophie and I stepped inside. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okay, take your time,” Dan said weakly as the doors closed on him.

~~~~~~~

Sophie broke down the second we were back in her room. She had collapsed onto her bed and cried for a while as I soothed her and drew on her back with my fingers. Finally, she sat up, wiping her eyes.

“You okay?” I asked her.

“No,” she said glumly. Then she sighed. “Figured it’s time to tell you. I’ve had a thing with Caspar for a while.”

“How long is a while?” I asked.

“About a month, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. The whole thing was on and off. I was gonna tell you after your birthday, but he and I fought and broke it off…”

“So you guys dated?” I presumed.

“I thought so, but he didn’t… We did some things one day, but we acted like strangers the next. Sometimes, there was someone else…”

“Why did you stay with him? I didn’t even know you liked him!”

“I don’t, that’s why I went with it. He can be really charming, though. It’s kind of an inconvenience, honestly. After the first couple of times, I realized that just hooking up isn’t what I wanted, and he doesn’t plan on changing anytime soon.”

Holy shit. Caspar Lee?! What the  _ fuck?!  _ I guess people really aren’t who they say on camera! And I’ve never wanted to punch someone I lowkey admired so badly before!

“D-Did you try talking to him about it?” I feebly asked.

“I tried everything, but we always got distracted,” Sophie replied. “Oh god, Aria, it’s  _ so _ addicting. I don’t know what you’re gonna do when you lose your virginity. But anyway, I went to see him today to end things for good, and he tried to distract me, and I got mad. You saw the rest.”

I nodded. “So you’re done with him?”

“Absolutely. If he tries anything, I’ll turn him down.”

“Good. You deserve way better than him.”

Sophie sighed. “Definitely. Can we talk about something else? I don’t want to think about him anymore. Tell me about you and Dan. How was the date?”

“It was pretty good. He was wearing a One Direction shirt, which was a ruse to win me over,” I said.

“Did it work?”

I shrugged. “I’m gonna see him again today… unless you need me to stay with you.”

“Oh no! This is the farthest you’ve gone with a guy, you have to go!”

“But I don’t want to leave you alone.”

“I’ll be fine, Carrie will be here soon, and she knows everything that’s been going on.”

She’s been telling her roommate but not me? I mean, I’ve been telling Zoe about Dan, so… I’ll shut up.

“By the way,” Sophie added, “you went to see  _ Where We Are? _ With a squad that wasn’t me and Troye?”

“Wasn’t my idea,” I told her. “Technically it was a blind date, and I honestly wish I had seen it with you because I was the only one bouncing in my seat. Kind of embarrassing when it’s only you.”

She cracked a smile. “Alright then. I’ll invite Troye over too, and we’ll go watch it together. You need to get ready for your date.”


	12. Chapter 12

“No, I know what I heard!” I argued. “They were definitely footsteps!”

“It was probably your own breathing,” Dan replied patiently. “Or some other perfectly reasonable explanation. Ghosts don't exist.”

We had quite the conversation on the walk to The Tube. Somehow we had gotten to the topic of the paranormal and I told Dan about an experience I had, only for him to be a skeptic. It grinded my gears, but not in the sense that I wanted to break the date. It was more of an intellectual challenge.

“I mean, I can't say I believe one hundred percent,” I told him, “but I know what I heard and I remember it vividly.”

“Okay, dear Aria, whatever you say.” Dan was so casual and secure about his skepticism. It was both attractive and aggravating.

“So then,” I inquired, “since you’re so sure that that stuff is totally not real, would you ever fuck around with a Ouija board?”

He thought about it, slowing his steps as he did so. “Yeah, probably.”

“Oh my god!” My voice went up an octave. “Why? Why would you do that to yourself?”

“Because it's just a toy, obviously. Nothing bad has ever happened to anyone who's played one.”

“A string of relatives come to mind when you say that. But seriously, if I ever hear that you messed with a Ouija board, I'm cutting you out of my life.”

Dan chuckled, amused by my genuine concern. “Well, now I know to never do that.”

We finally got to the diner after a few more minutes. That was when I started feeling self-conscious. Apart from feeling like a crazy person sharing my ghost experience, I hadn’t washed my hair today, I was still wearing half of yesterday’s makeup, and I was still technically hungover. Who let me do this?

Anyway, we got inside (Dan held the door open for me), ordered food (he offered to pay, but I was the one who invited him), and we sat in a booth in a corner of the small restaurant. At first, we were both on our phones, probably filling in the awkward silence. What happened to the lovely conversation we were having outside? After a crippling minute, Dan put his phone down and looked at me. I returned the gaze, waiting for him to speak.

“Is everything okay with your friend? Sophie, right?” he asked.

“Um, yeah, she’s okay,” I replied. “Things got a little hectic, but she’s fine.”

Dan nodded. “That’s good.” He paused, then changed the subject. “So… what do you remember from last night?”

Now I really had to think for a moment. “Uh… a drink off with Joe Sugg… selfies.. shots… with you?”

“Yeah.” He perked up a bit. “Yeah…”

“Did anything else happen that I should know about?” My tone turned playful.

“Well, between us, no. But for your first time getting drunk, you were really fun to be around.” Dan smiled.

“Really? Well, do you wanna know something?”

“Enlighten me.”

“That was the first party I've ever been to.”

“No it wasn’t!”

“It was!”

“So you’ve never been to any house parties?” Dan asked in disbelief. “Never snuck out with your friends anywhere? Never had someone buy alcohol for you and your friends or anything?”

I shook my head. “Didn’t really appeal to me. Nor my friends, really. High school was mundane.” Mundane, meaning hell. But that was a conversation for another time.

“Wow. First date, first party, first time getting drunk. How many first times are you going to have with me?” he wondered, his smile turning sly.

“Hopefully lots,” I mumbled.

“Sorry, what was that?” he asked, but then the waitress approached and served our meals, distracting him for a few seconds. Thankfully, it was long enough to make him forget what I accidentally slipped out. Mental note: avoid embarrassment by distracting Dan with food.

“So what did you do in high school, then?” he asked after a few silent minutes of eating.

“Mostly dance,” I explained. “Sophie got me an audition for the dance team before my first year of high school, so I was on the team all four years.”

Dan’s eyes lit up with interest. “Really? That’s so cool! How long have you been dancing?”

Why the fuck could I tell  _ him  _ if I don’t want to talk about it with anyone else? I could feel my appetite disintegrating the longer we stayed on the subject.

“My whole life, but I stopped for the moment,” I said, and then I took a large bite out of my sandwich.

I could tell Dan was about to ask why, as lots of people have in recent months, but upon seeing me stuff my face, he just nodded. Hopefully that meant the end of this conversation. I did not want to think about my high school dance team longer than I needed to.

“What about you?” I inquired after inhaling my sandwich. “What was your school life like?”

Dan sighed. “I was a massive loser, but I want you to really like me, so let’s talk about something else!”

Well I wasn’t ready for that smoothness. Just smack me in the face with a frying pan, why don’t you?! Maybe it’ll get my backflipping heart to calm down! I was smiling wide at his words, trying to keep myself from bouncing in my seat excitedly.

“Dan…” I spoke. Oh god, truths were rising up my throat, I couldn’t stop it. I slid my hand across the table, towards his. “I already really like you. I’m sure that not much is going to change that.”

He returned the smile and placed his hand on mine. “In that case, I think your ghost story drove you a little insane.”

“Aaaand there’s the much!” I said sarcastically as I pretended to get up and leave.

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” he reassured, actually grabbing my hand and holding it. “I really think you’re… um..” He trailed off, staring at his plate. “It’s been awhile since I met someone I really liked… kinda forgot how this goes.”

“Well, from my extensive knowledge and wide range of experience,” I continued with the sarcasm, “either, we establish a relationship, or go on another date, or you tell me you wanna remain friends. Up to you.”

Dan looked up at me, smiling so wide that the corners of his eyes crinkled. Other mental note: sarcasm draws him in.

“Yes, Aria, I’m on a date with you because I want to be just friends,” he returned.

And sarcasm draws me in too. Wait.  _ Wait. _

“So…?” I said stupidly.

“I like this, I like you.”

Oh my god. I, Aria Mercer, managed to get a guy to like me. Yes!  _ Hell yes! HELL FUCKING YEAH DAMN RIGHT DAMN FUCKING RIGHT! _

“Awesome,” I said because I wasn’t sure what to say at this point.

Things went smoothly regardless. We talked some more, we talked about lots of things. Dan was very passionate and intelligent. Oh my god, how was he single before? I had never been so attracted to someone before. And the best part? This wasn’t the type of attraction that made me want to pull my hair out or give me ugly butterflies. Meaning, I actually ate my whole meal in front of him. That’s never happened with any crush I’ve had. And, yes, I could feel him taking my sanity away, but I was so willing to let him have it. I wanted him to have my everything, and I could only hope he would give me as much.

We left the restaurant once we were done eating. Since it was a late lunch, basically dinner, it was almost dark when we got outside. It was cold, but I was too full of warmth to actually feel it. Dan actually held my hand as we walked back to campus, and it took everything in me to not hop around like an excited bunny.

Minutes later, we were in the university lot. We had been in a comfortable silence the whole walk back, I couldn't keep a smile off my face, but I couldn't look him in the eyes either. If I looked at him, it’s game over. I wonder if he wanted to kiss me. I wonder if that’s what he was thinking about.

“Well, I had fun,” he said as he took his hand away from mine.

Maybe not.

I looked up at him, clinging to this tiny shred of hope despite that it was slipping away as quickly as his hand did from mine. I didn’t know what to say. Am I supposed to ask if I can kiss him? Or do I just do it? How do I even know he wants to kiss me?

“I’m sorry for doing that,” he spoke as we walked. “Um… There’s just people vlogging over there, and I didn't want them to catch us in that position.”

He nodded ahead. I saw a group of people hanging out in front of the office building. They hadn’t noticed us, so maybe their cameras didn’t either.

“They’re not supposed to vlog in front of the main office,” I said, looking at Dan. “It’s a privacy thing or something.”

“Oh. What happens if they publish their videos then?”

“They just have to be taken down.”

Dan nodded. “Well let’s get inside then.”

We walked some distance apart from each other as we passed the group of vloggers. Neither of us had recognized them, so we couldn’t ask to possibly cut us out of their shots. Anyway, after passing through the main office, Dan and I were walking around the courtyard. There were a few people wandering around as well, and some people sitting on the benches. That was when the paranoia kicked in. We could easily be spotted at any time, and those who spotted us would definitely talk. What if someone saw us while we were at The Tube?

“So if we do this,” I said to Dan as we strolled towards the fountain, “I take it you want to keep it private.”

“Yeah,” he replied. “I feel like if it was public, it would be a lot of pressure for both of us, and this is something I want to enjoy without it blowing up so much.”

“And your viewers don’t like me,” I said without really thinking.

“That would also be a factor,” Dan agreed. So he knew how awful they were and he didn't plan on doing anything about it. I suppose I could understand that. He couldn't control millions of people. “I’m sorry they’re treating you so horribly.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. Really, it doesn’t bother me. I kind of get where they’re coming from anyway.” My cheeks heated up.

“Still, you don’t deserve that backlash. But anyway, we’re on the same page.”

“Yup. It's between us, and it's nobody else's business.”

Why is this so easy? Why do I feel like this had to be anything but easy? What even happens now? Do I have a boyfriend now? Is it official? Do we seal it with a kiss, or high five, or fist bump or what? I’ve got him now, what do I do? I didn’t think about this part! Frankly, I didn’t think I’d get this far! What happened to just gazing at him from afar?

“Right, so what do you wanna do now?” Dan asked.

More bravery. More truths. I inhaled through my nose, reaching for his hand, and lacing our fingers together. We stopped in our tracks, Dan looking down at our hands. He returned the gesture by gently squeezing. What did we just agree on thirty seconds ago? Privacy. And yet...

“I really wanna kiss you,” I admitted. “But I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

He raised his eyebrows, amused but giddy. “Another first?”

“You’re gonna be surprised at the amount of things I haven’t done.”

“Well then, I hope this is worth the wait.”


	13. Chapter 13

He didn't actually kiss me out there on the courtyard. Dan was a gentleman; He walked me to my dorm, and we stood outside the door and talked. By talked, I mean we stalled and waited for the hallway to clear out. 

   I am terrible at hiding emotions. Always have been. I am terrible at pretending to be tired when I’m actually sad. I cannot hold back tears for the life of me. I cannot pretend to not be absolutely smitten, or even pretend to be casual about it. I am an open book, whether I like it or not. So when I walked into the dorm later that evening, I might as well have screamed out that Dan and I were a thing to Zoe, whose eyes lit up upon seeing the evident blush on my cheeks.

“It went well?” she asked, a smile breaking out on her face as she got up from her bed.

I nodded, unable to keep the goofy smile off my face. Okay, technically I should still be mad at her for intervening but I just kissed a cute guy who actually likes me, so let’s not give a fuck anymore. Plus, she was the little push I needed all along.

I spent the next half hour explaining everything that happened. It was almost embarrassing how much I was gushing, but I was past the point of caring. It was also kind of hard not to start rambling in Spanish… I do that sometimes when I’m either very excited or very frustrated. I was literally feeling every corny and cringey emotion I thought was made up and only existed in movies and telenovelas. But holy crap it’s real.  _ It’s fucking real. _

“And he kissed me again, and he said goodnight and–” I finally cut myself off, unable to find my words due to how euphorically dazed I was. “Am I acting too excited about this?” I asked Zoe.

“Not at all!” she reassured. “I was this excited when I first started dating Alfie. You have every right to be happy.”

I nodded, sighing contently as I fell back on my bed. I could literally see tiny hearts floating around my head, dancing in little circles. I could still feel Dan’s lips on mine, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to kiss him again. It was so surreal. I had never felt so strongly about a person before.

“How long does this feeling last?” I asked. “The feeling of being in a new relationship?”

“You know, I don’t think it really goes away,” Zoe told me, patting my knee. “You just grow accustomed to it. It’s there, it’s just not as… loud, I guess. If it does go away though, that’s a sign. And if it comes back at a random time, that’s also a sign. Only time will tell.”

“So I just wait it out? I can do that.”

~~~~~~~

I didn’t get to see Dan at all the following day. I had classes all day and he was filming a video. I did get to tell Sophie everything during Spanish class (the only class where I could ramble all I want in Spanish). She seemed happy for me, but I couldn’t help but think it made her think of Caspar. She didn’t say anything about that, though. Then, I told Troye at dinner in between classes. So far, there were no objections, not that they would change my mind anyway.

Come Tuesday night, Dan sat a bit closer to me in math class. I didn’t get to see him earlier that day either as he has a morning class. Greetings were a tiny bit awkward. A small hug and a peck on the cheek later, it seemed okay.

“I actually considered dropping this class,” he told me.

“Why’d you stay?” I asked.

“Well, my girlfriend is in this class, isn’t she?”

“Really? Where is she? I’d love to meet her!”

Dan chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“I mean, either way we’re still gonna be really bad at math,” I told him.

Things were still a bit awkward regardless. I wanted to affectionately hold his hand, but he wasn’t very touchy. I could only assume it was because this whole thing was new for him too. And then sometimes, he’ll be the one to lean in for a peck at a random time, but it would startle me, making him think that I don’t want to kiss him. Also, I’m a novice kisser, and that was more than obvious.

That was just Tuesday.

On Wednesday, I woke up past twelve. I still had trouble getting to sleep these days. Thankfully, I didn’t have any morning classes, and Zoe was very quiet when she got up earlier. I woke up anyway, only to make an “ass crack of dawn” comment in a sleepy manner. That probably explains why I woke up so late today.

That’s also what I made my video about today: Living with Zoe. 

“So…” I trailed off in the middle of filming. I had already talked more in depth about our sleeping schedules, and poked a tiny bit at our quarrel (not saying that it was about dating Dan obviously). “…I’m sure I can tell you guys this. The other day I got back from class and went into the bathroom to change. I was wearing these skinny jeans I just bought, and while they did fit, I didn’t realize just how tight they were around the ankles. Needless to say, I was stuck and very embarrassed but I called Zoe anyway. The next thirty seconds consisted of me yelling her name because she was pulling too hard, and her struggling to pull my jeans through my feet. Many frustrated yells and choice words later…” I paused, knowing how the end of that sentence would sound. “…she got my pants off. And as much as I loved those skinny jeans, I’m never wearing them again.”

Once I had finished, I got right to editing. Of course halfway through, the task turned tedious and I decided to fuck around on the internet. I watched back the video I did with Louise and Dan. At this point, I wasn’t sure if Dan and I were being obvious. We weren’t dating at the time, but I was sure the feeling was there. I sighed and managed to avoid the comments as I went back to my channel. My icon was old, I was sixteen when I took that bathroom selfie, but the black and white was still appealing. My header was just my name in pink on black with some flowers. I probably needed to upgrade my layout.

I stopped scrolling when I saw my subscriber count. One hundred and fifty thousand. When did I hit a hundred thousand?! How did I miss this?! Quickly, I grabbed my phone and put on the front camera.

“Okay, I am so behind,” I said in shock. “But I just noticed that I hit a hundred and fifty thousand subscribers! Holy crap! When did that happen?! I’m sorry, I suck at noticing these things. Anyway, thank you guys so, so much! You know what this means…” I moved my hair away from my ear, showing the single cartilage piercing I had there.

Long ago, I had promised my viewers that once I hit a hundred thousand, I would film myself getting my next ear piercing. I was so excited that I was considering getting more than just one. I smiled wide, gazing at the number, and then I bounced happily on my bed.

After that, I was really caught up in editing and I lost track of time. Before I knew it, I had to leave for video production. I stuck my laptop in my bag and slipped on my shoes before I was rushing out the dorm. When I was in the lobby, I realized that I didn’t have my contacts in, and I didn’t really want to go back. I stopped in my tracks, reaching behind me for the front pocket of backpack, fiddled with it too much, evidently gave up and continued walking.

I ended up walking into the wrong building. There was nobody in there, thankfully, but I still felt the sinking sensation in my stomach. Mirrors. Shiny hardwood floors. Balancing bars. Didn’t know YouTube University had a dance room.

I chewed my lip, turning to leave, but it was oddly captivating. Before I knew it, I was placing my bag on the floor and I was walking in the spacious room. I looked at my feet as I paced, I secretly missed the sound of hard wood floor under my shoes. I looked into the mirror and without thinking, I stepped out and forward, doing a pirouette. My balance was really off, and my posture was terrible, so I did it again. I was very rusty. I used to be able to do five turns, now I could only do two. I tried a leap, a half leap and a surprise leap. And then I was remembering a lyrical dance I did my senior year of high school.

Honestly, I don’t know what had gotten into me, but next thing I knew, I was choosing a song on my phone and turning the volume all the way up. I set my phone on the little table standing at the front of the room, and I was swaying to the lyrics sung in Demi Lovato’s voice:

_ “Let it go, let it go, _

_ Can’t hold it back anymore _

_ Let it go, let it go _

_ Turn my back and slam the door…” _

_ Floor. Arms, right, left, around, down. Hands, right-left-right-left, _ I recited in my head as I performed the moves with my whole body. Some moves were now more difficult, after not training, dancing, or stretching for a few months. Pushing up off the floor was a bit of a strain, as was pointing my toes. My pirouette, as I said, was only two turns. I also forgot how to spot. My leaps were no longer “splits in the air,” so I also lost my split. And don’t even get my started on my shitty calypso.

Despite my rusty skills, I was into it. I found myself smiling by the time I reached the second verse.  _ “I know I left a life behind, but I’m too relieved to grieve.”  _ That’s basically how I felt. And how ironic was it that I had pushed dance out of my life, and I was basically dancing about that. It was a lot more empowering doing it alone in an empty room than when I performed it with three other people in front of my school. I felt more free, like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

But then came the ala seconde turn. My skills and technique had declined so much, I forgot to squeeze my stomach, my back, my butt, and I forgot to spot. The momentum of the turn was too much, causing me to fall over on my side, bringing my dance to an abrupt halt.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” asked an unexpected female voice from the other side of the room.

I jumped, looking to the room’s entrance and saw Zoe quickly walking towards me and squatting down at my side.

“H-How long were you…?” I stuttered.

“For most of it.” She smiled warmly. “Aria, don’t tell me you gave  _ this _ up. You’re incredible! And I’m not just saying that because I love Frozen.” She stood and offered her hands.

“I actually don’t don’t like Frozen,” I admitted, taking them so she could pull me up. “The group I was with chose the song. I just like the dance we created.”

Zoe looked even more impressed. “ _ You _ created.”

“Three other people helped,” I added sheepishly.

She chuckled. “Well, it’s beautiful. Why did you ever quit?”

“Long story, don’t wanna get into it.” I went over to the table and grabbed my phone, pausing the song. I changed the subject. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I have yoga in a few minutes. What about you?”

“I walked in here on accident.” Then I remembered where I was supposed to be. “Oh yeah. I have a class right now. I have to go.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later!”

With that, I quickly grabbed my bag off the floor and I sped out of the dance room.

~~~~~~~

“Hi!” I breathed out as I plopped down at the usual table in the VP room, fixing my glasses on my nose.

“Where were you?” Dan asked me. “And why are you sweating?”

“I found the dance room,” I panted.

“You dance?” asked Louise, who sounded interested.

“Not anymore.”

“There’s videos on her channel, though,” Dan added.

I blushed slightly. Had he seen my dance videos before we met? He did claim seeing my song cover before. What if he saw my tutorials? My high school performances? I couldn’t be embarrassed since I publicly shared those on the internet. Just knowing that people still look at something I don’t particularly like anymore… I don’t know.

“Ooo, I’m gonna have a look,” Louise said as she typed on her laptop.

I smiled, but screamed internally. I don’t know if it’s because I secretly admired Louise and she was looking at me wear dumb costumes and perform elaborate dances or that I don’t dance anymore and I don’t LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT OR PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M A LOST CAUSE BECAUSE I DON’T DO IT ANYMORE.

“Found one!” Louise exclaimed after a minute or so. “‘Competition: Dancers Versus Cheerleaders.’”

“Let me see!” Dan said, scooting next to her.

They shared earbuds and watched with smiles on their faces. It was a little endearing, but nervewracking. At least it wasn’t “Helena” or “Let It Go.” If it was either of those, I probably would have left the room. Or if they weren’t sitting across from me, and I could see the screen, I would have expressed my discomfort in some way.

“I like how you’re dressed as a ballerina and you’re dancing hip hop,” Dan observed. “Also, is that Sophie as a cheerleader?”

I nodded. If I wasn’t so iffy about the whole thing I would have given them a random fact, like how I begged Sophie to return to the school to do this dance with me for my final dance show or that she quit dance team her junior year to commit to the cheer squad. Or how the people dressed as dancers were originally going to wear their pointe shoes but we kept slipping. Or that the whole dance was to represent the ridiculous feud between dance team and cheer throughout my high school years. But I stayed silent.

Dan and Louise made little comments to one another as they watched. I slid down in my seat, trying to occupy myself with my phone to hide how disgruntled I was. They didn’t seem bored at all, though, I don’t know why it made me so moody.

“That was so cool!” Louise told me when it was over. “And you’re an amazing dancer!”

“Thank you,” I replied shyly.

“That turn you did at the end was really cool,” Dan said. “The one where your leg is out.”

“Ala seconde,” I said. “Yeah, I was the only one on the team who could do more than three.” Another random fact: I always got dirty looks from the other girls when I was put in the front for an ala seconde. Or when I undertook a lead role.

“Impressive.” Dan smiled. “That is impressive, right? Sorry, I know nothing about dance.”

“Well, it took my dance teacher til she was twenty five to do six. I was seventeen there and did like, what? Eight?”

WHY AM I STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS? _ ARIA, ¡CÁLLATE! _

~~~~~~~

“Are you okay?” Dan asked after class had ended. We were walking our usual path towards the courtyard.

“Hm? Yeah,” I said, chewing on the skin around my fingernails, my other arm folded across my stomach. “I’m fine.”

So I get a little touchy. How do I explain that? How can I tell Dan that I don’t want to think about my dead dance career without telling him why? Or without crying?

“Walk with me, please?” he requested as we reached the point of our walk where we’d normally go our separate ways.

“Okay.”

He offered his hand, looking at me carefully, like I was a ticking bomb. I took his hand regardless, and we strolled about the courtyard. It was all dark, the only light coming from the lamps on the sides of the walkway. I wasn’t expecting so much silence; It was almost unnerving. Was he going to break up with me? Oh man, after just three days? First relationships never last anyway. Not in this world.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked after a while. “You were awfully quiet in class.”

He probably won’t let this slide.

“I guess I should have said something sooner,” I finally spoke, sighing. “The whole subject of my dance thing… it’s kind of a sensitive topic now. Talking about it, thinking about it… honestly, I’d rather not.”

Dan looked at me, eyes wide. “Oh… I’m so sorry, I didn't realize.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” I told him, waving it off. “I’m just cutting it out of my life for now.”

“Can I ask why?” he inquired, only to receive my hesitation. “Okay, understood.”

“I’m sorry, it’s…” I trailed off.

“Don’t be. Just tell me when you’re ready.”

I nodded, and the silence fell over us again. I squeezed Dan’s hand in gratitude, and I lied my head against his shoulder as we slowed our steps.

“Do you want to come up to my room?” he suddenly asked.


End file.
